Comments on: Does A Relationship Need A Timetable? http://advicegeneral.com/articles/archives/305 The Advice You Seek Is Here Thu, 03 Feb 2011 17:48:19 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Rob http://advicegeneral.com/articles/archives/305/comment-page-1#comment-21 Rob Sat, 02 Jan 2010 18:38:39 +0000 http://advicegeneral.com/articles/?p=305#comment-21 You need to understasnd that he's move don but holding onto you as a way to stop you from enjoying the life you should have. The kids will always keep you tethered to him but you must breakl free for your own good. You divorced him because of how he made you feel about yourself. Now is the time for counselling so you can heal and move on. Please find a local counsellor, someone you can talk to that won't pick sides. You need to understasnd that he’s move don but holding onto you as a way to stop you from enjoying the life you should have.

The kids will always keep you tethered to him but you must breakl free for your own good. You divorced him because of how he made you feel about yourself. Now is the time for counselling so you can heal and move on.

Please find a local counsellor, someone you can talk to that won’t pick sides.

]]> By: alice http://advicegeneral.com/articles/archives/305/comment-page-1#comment-20 alice Mon, 28 Dec 2009 20:46:25 +0000 http://advicegeneral.com/articles/?p=305#comment-20 Hi Rob, I came across this site today and I am feeling kind of blue today. I have been divorced 11 years, our two kids are in college. We never spoke about the divorce until recently. I felt we had unfinished business and needed to talk about it, even though he has remarried. We were together a long time, 5 years dating, 13 years married. He was very emotionally unavailable, he was romantic during our dating pretty much and for the first two years of marriage but we fought sometimes. He left me pretty much lonely all the time. He was all about his job, going to the office, and I did most of the childcare and kept a nice home. He had some job problems and that's when he really got distant. He started to flirt with my sister, he has a thing for bigger women. He denied it but he'd pretend to be with her when we were together. He did make a pass at her but nobody told me about it until years later. He denied it and said she was lying. Years went on, he was totally involved in his own thoughts and not me. He started going into the chatrooms at night. This went on for two years, he'd come to bed around 2 am and sex stopped, actually I fell out of love with him and didn't want to do it anyway. His friend paid me some attention, I used to ignore it but I gave in, I was so low and vulnerable. I divorced him and left the state, started dating him. My ex was upset naturally but still would never talk about it. This relationship lasted 3 months and I got out of it. We stayed in different states all this time. He continued to stay in the chatrooms, mostly with BBW type of women. I am average sized. He married a woman that was actually bigger than my sister but she resembled her. She is taller than him and younger by 20 years. She moved in with him from another state, it's been 2 years now. I stayed out of it. Through the years, I've always wanted some closure, and I wanted to talk about why we divorced, it wasn't all my fault but I am responsible for 50%. I wrote an apology letter for my part, he didn't open it until two months later. Every year I've let him visit the kids at my place at Xmas time. He calls me all the time and says I am his best friend. We've gotten along well being apart but inside I was always torn by the non-communication and emotional distance. He has never made a pass, and he doesn't even touch me or hug me. He has gone on vacations with us in the past. I usually see him every year. I've been too easy on him to just walk in my life. I didn't date much, I've been raising the kids and my mom lived with us.This Xmas he visited us and stayed 10 days. We have had trouble with our son with drugs, and prescription drug abuse for the last two years. We got closer talking all the time about the kids. I told him I can't be this temporary family anymore. He needs to talk to his wife and not me, plus have holidays with his new family. He said we are just friends and nothing is going on between us. I still have feelings for him, I've known him for so long and I am alone currently. I finally asked him about the why's, and I got crappy answers, like the internet was a new thing, I was just experimenting and my sister thing was just a little thing! This went on for months! I told him I would always love him that I still had feelings for him but how did he feel about me. (also he buys me things all the time, rug, dishes, lamps, spa package, dinners, gives me money, etc. He calls to talk because he said he can't talk to his wife like me. Also the kids can't stand her, she doesn't like them to visit and so he thinks he can come here. I told him we were probably soul mates that went wrong. He said he likes me only as a friend, the mother of his children. I said did you ever love me, and he said yes, when we married. I feel like a complete fool for letting him be in my life so much. He told me someday I should set a goal and meet someone too. I feel so used now, how can he be so unemotional? I feel like nobody hs ever loved me now. Hi Rob,
I came across this site today and I am feeling kind of blue today. I have been divorced 11 years, our two kids are in college. We never spoke about the divorce until recently. I felt we had unfinished business and needed to talk about it, even though he has remarried. We were together a long time, 5 years dating, 13 years married. He was very emotionally unavailable, he was romantic during our dating pretty much and for the first two years of marriage but we fought sometimes. He left me pretty much lonely all the time. He was all about his job, going to the office, and I did most of the childcare and kept a nice home. He had some job problems and that’s when he really got distant. He started to flirt with my sister, he has a thing for bigger women. He denied it but he’d pretend to be with her when we were together. He did make a pass at her but nobody told me about it until years later. He denied it and said she was lying. Years went on, he was totally involved in his own thoughts and not me. He started going into the chatrooms at night. This went on for two years, he’d come to bed around 2 am and sex stopped, actually I fell out of love with him and didn’t want to do it anyway. His friend paid me some attention, I used to ignore it but I gave in, I was so low and vulnerable. I divorced him and left the state, started dating him. My ex was upset naturally but still would never talk about it. This relationship lasted 3 months and I got out of it. We stayed in different states all this time. He continued to stay in the chatrooms, mostly with BBW type of women. I am average sized. He married a woman that was actually bigger than my sister but she resembled her. She is taller than him and younger by 20 years. She moved in with him from another state, it’s been 2 years now. I stayed out of it. Through the years, I’ve always wanted some closure, and I wanted to talk about why we divorced, it wasn’t all my fault but I am responsible for 50%. I wrote an apology letter for my part, he didn’t open it until two months later. Every year I’ve let him visit the kids at my place at Xmas time. He calls me all the time and says I am his best friend. We’ve gotten along well being apart but inside I was always torn by the non-communication and emotional distance. He has never made a pass, and he doesn’t even touch me or hug me. He has gone on vacations with us in the past. I usually see him every year. I’ve been too easy on him to just walk in my life. I didn’t date much, I’ve been raising the kids and my mom lived with us.This Xmas he visited us and stayed 10 days. We have had trouble with our son with drugs, and prescription drug abuse for the last two years. We got closer talking all the time about the kids. I told him I can’t be this temporary family anymore. He needs to talk to his wife and not me, plus have holidays with his new family. He said we are just friends and nothing is going on between us. I still have feelings for him, I’ve known him for so long and I am alone currently. I finally asked him about the why’s, and I got crappy answers, like the internet was a new thing, I was just experimenting and my sister thing was just a little thing! This went on for months! I told him I would always love him that I still had feelings for him but how did he feel about me. (also he buys me things all the time, rug, dishes, lamps, spa package, dinners, gives me money, etc. He calls to talk because he said he can’t talk to his wife like me. Also the kids can’t stand her, she doesn’t like them to visit and so he thinks he can come here. I told him we were probably soul mates that went wrong. He said he likes me only as a friend, the mother of his children. I said did you ever love me, and he said yes, when we married. I feel like a complete fool for letting him be in my life so much. He told me someday I should set a goal and meet someone too. I feel so used now, how can he be so unemotional? I feel like nobody hs ever loved me now.

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