AdviceGeneral.com

Dear Rob,
I know you don’t usually answer messages from teenagers, but I think this girl is the one.

I’ve been around this block before, but never felt the way I do. I love this girl. I wrote her a letter, but I’m not sure how to deliver it in a romantic way.

We go to different schools, but only live about 1/2 mile apart. I wish I could give it to her at school, but that just doesn’t work.

I have tried to catch her at her bus stop but I can time it right. Also, because we go to different schools I haven’t talked to her in a while, so it would feel really awkward to just ring her doorbell and give it to her.

So I just need help coming up with a romantic way to deliver my letter.
Thanks,
R

Hi R,
I am sure you’re filled of great intentions. I’m sure you’re more attracted to this girl than anyone you’ve ever met, heck, ever even seen before.

BUT, you know her name, where she lives and not much else about her. Maybe she’s dating someone else right now, eh?
What about that?
Maybe she doesn’t feel the same way about you? Maybe you’re about to flame yourself out by sending her a mushy, lovey-dovey letter that means absolutely nothing to her because she doesn’t even know you exist!

My advice is to take that letter, put it in a freezer bag and wrap it tight. Put that bag into another freezer bag and fill that bag with water and seal it tight. Then put the whole thing in the freezer, somewhere safe, under an old frozen steak or something.

Then write her a new letter. This one simply says:
This is “C”.
I haven’t seen you at the bus stop recently. I have been hoping to talk with you.
Do you like to go XXXX (bowling, eat at some place, hang at out some place), let’s go together at XXX(this time).
Call me at XXX-XXXX or email me at XXX@XXXX and let me know.
Your friend,
“C”

Do not send her the love letter. Don’t buy her gifts. Hang out with her first. Invite her out to somewhere, to do something, with you first.
Love letters and gifts come later.
Trust me.
Rob.

Dear Rob,
My name’s Diana.

Me and my first love got back together after being apart for 4 years. He cheated on me. We got back together about 2 months ago.

He’s cheated on me again with his ex-girlfriend. He told me so many lies about him not wanting her, her not meaning anything, and all the other bullsh*t. He still tries to get back with me, saying that he loves me and that it won’t happen again.

He said that when him and her were having sex he stopped it, and told her that it was all about me. I know that has to be bullsh*t for real. What guy would stop having sex?

He told me that he told her that he loved me, blah blah blah. But, he cheated on me. He lied to me more than 15 times, telling me that nothing was going on and that he would never do me like he did in the past.

He basically did the same thing. When we first started talking I was only 14 years old. He said that he cheated because I was young and we couldn’t spend time together, and he could have went to jail.

But, why would he talk to me?? He is basically a piece of crap and I want him out of my system terribly. Yet, even though he did that to me, I’m still in love with the trick. I don’t understand why. Please give me some advice (Maybe God can speak through you!).
Thanks,
Diana

Hi Diana,
I hate to be the one to break the news but you’ve been used and used badly.
And you keep coming back for more.

Let’s look at what you told me:
- You were 14 when you started dating this guy. Obviously he’s older, maybe by more than a couple of years. He may even been a statutory rapist for all I know.
- Whenever he had the chance, when you weren’t available for what he wanted, he found a girl that he could get what he wanted from. He not only cheated on you but he cheated on these other girls too.
- He never took your relationship seriously but he does know how to manipulate you into getting what he wants.
- He knows how to lie to you, to apologize to you and to get you in a frenzy enough that you want him back no matter what he’s done.

Now let’s look at what I read between the lines:
- You’re not old enough and you’re not responsible enough to make any right choices that affect the rest of your life.
- You think that you’re following your heart but you’re only following the emotions of the moment that blind you to the reality of what’s really happening.
- You’re willing to give yourself justification by forgiving him because you think it’s right but you don’t actually see how he is manipulating you.
- You know that this is a bad relationship and you also know that your parents wouldn’t like it so you hide this from them, likely lying about what’s going on in your life.
- I’ll even bet that the majority of your friends don’t like this guy and you’ve probably even lost friends by putting this guy first.

What you need to know about guys:
Guys think logically. 2 + 2 equals 4. Red and yellow mix up to make green. Lies are allowed until caught and then you can probably talk yourself out of trouble by throwing in the words “love, forgive, it won’t happen again, it’s not a big deal, she didn’t mean anything” and such.
Guy’s can sense when they can manipulate girls. And they’ll do it as often as they can get away with it. They know that a ‘girl in love’ will forgive time and time again because the girl is such an emotional cripple around him that he can say almost anything, promise anything and get forgiveness and another opportunity.

What you need to do:
Understand that you’re not going to think logically about this. Your emotions will dictate your responses every time the guy comes around and that’s not a good thing. You’ve got to step back a minute and look at this logically. Put your emotions in check. Realize that you’re being used, being played and being kept at a disadvantage in this relationship.

You need to cut yourself off from this guy. No more contact. Hang out with friends your own age and stop being such a doormat for this guy.

Grow up, stay single and learn about yourself before you share yourself with another, any, guy. Give yourself at least the next 12 months off from dating or any serious involvements.

You wanted advice? You’ve got it.
And for goodness sakes talk to your parents about your life.
Letting crap like this happen to you then needing advice from a stranger online can’t have been your only option here. I’m glad to be able to offer you advice but you’ve got to talk this out with someone closer to you (just not him!).
Best wishes,
Rob.

Dear Rob,
Five years back I got in touch with my old 8th grade friend from back home. We got in touch through emails and became really good friends. He used to be affectionate and used to tell me its only as a degree of affection as a friend. I was like ok.

I visited him and we met a couple of times when I went back home. Then also he used to say I love you and I miss you. But every time he used to say it’s only as a friend. I got back and again we were in touch through emails. Suddenly he changed, started flirting with me so much. The flirting became so deep that he asked me if I can wait for 2 years, then he will marry me. I always told him I cannot commit without my dad’s consent and asked him to talk to my dad.

But I clearly showed back affection and interest towards him. He was like “ya..I’ll talk to your dad and we can marry”. For 5 or 6 months this continued. He talked almost like we were in a relationship. One day, suddenly he changed and started saying that whatever he did to me is all “legpulling”. I was so shocked, cried and asked him why did he all this to me.

All he was saying is he just leggpulled. he said he likes me but didn’t think beyond that (like going for a long-time relationship or marriage). He asked me if I seriously wanna get into a relation with him. He gave a few days time to think and tell him. I told yes, and after I told him yes, he was like I also need to think and decide.

He suggested me to wait for 6 to 8 months, and he told me we can understand each other for few months and then decide. I told him ok. After 6 months, He is still not sure about anything, and now he is saying destiny will decide in the future. I told him clearly lets quit everything and be good friends.

For that also, he is not so ready to quit me forever. He still wants me to hang on to him and saying lets be friends now with out any expectations and destiny will decide. But I clearly told him to quit everything. He said he will decide about the quitting and will tell his decision soon.

I simply couldn’t understand this guys intention? Is he playing with me? Should I quit him forever? I’m confused.

One thing he tells me he might not have pulled my legs if he knew that I liked him in that sense. Did he really do legpulling with me for 5 months? I cannot believe how some one can pull legs for 5 months continuously? Is he lying about legpulling? He also said he pull his other close female friend legs and those gals never misunderstood him.
Thanks,
Tina

Hi Tina,
Guys like this act the way they do for two reasons:
1. See how far they can “get” with you when you’re with them, and;
2. It’s comforting for them to experience “love and affection” when they are really just waiting for someone better to come along.

This guy has been playing you, whether he really meant to or not.
It’s time to not only give him space, but to leave him be.
This is the type of guy that would cheat on you, break up with you and come crawling back, over and over.

He’s the type that would take you for granted, because you really would love him and he really hasn’t experienced “love” for you.

Dump him.
Don’t contact him anymore.
Look for someone that will treat you with respect and real love.
Best wishes,
Rob.

Dear Rob,
I’m a 17 year old guy, and I like this girl. The problem is, I don’t know if she just wants to be friends or does she like me the same way I like her.

Here is some background:
She doesn’t have a lot of “girl” friends, most of her friends are guys. I started talking to her about a month ago at school. She was in a past relationship for 8 months until they broke up. But then they got back together for about 2 days and split again, and I think its for good this time. Well anyway we talked for about two weeks before going out to eat together, and we have been to dinner a couple times after that.

On Fridays I go pick her up and go hang out with my friends. Sometimes we will all go and get something quick to eat. Well, my friends sometimes like to tease me, so we were all in line about to order our food when my buddy ask me, “You paying for your girls food right?”, and when he said that, she said very snappy, “I’m not his girl, there is nothing going on between us”. And I was kind of confused because I had thought we were “dating”. Also, sometimes I will do something nice for her like bring her a biscuit in the morning before school starts, buy her a drink if she has no money. And she will say, “You’re so nice, I’m glad your my “friend”, or something to that affect.

Now it has been about a month since I first met her and we are hanging out more than ever. She invited me over to her house to eat dinner, and she goes with me about everywhere. She calls me every night and sometimes in the morning as I’m getting up. She is always talking about how much we have in common, and how were almost like “brother and sister” (I don’t know what that means). I’m tired of having to correct people when they call her my girlfriend. I like her as a girlfriend, but I’m confused of how she likes me.

Thanks for your time Rob,
Me

Hi Me,
It’s obvious to me that you haven’t yet had a girlfriend.

So this is what you do… stop talking to her. Not in a mean way but just in a “I’m busy and I’ll call you back” type thing.

Depending how she reacts will tell you if she wants to be your girlfriend or if she still thinks of you as a “brother”. (“Brother” means that she’s waiting for her ex-boyfriend to start dating her, usually!)

Don’t be confused, a lot of guys get caught in the middle of women (of all ages) play with their (ex-)boyfriends and get burned in the process.

You make her chase you a little bit, not talking for all hours on the phone, walk-by hellos in the hall at school… just play loose and don’t hang on everything she does.

If she is ready to date you, she’ll get real angry that you’re ditching her… if she doesn’t, well you never had a chance and she was just killing time with you until her ex-boyfriend came back to her.
Best wishes,
Rob.

Dear Rob,
There are two best friends that I really like and two days ago, thought they liked me.

Guy #1
My best friend has feelings for him and confessed these to me. I liked him at the time and still do but did not say anything to her. We hung out in a group, the two guys and some others. I was asked to make out with him in “Truth & Dare” but I didnt because of my friend (who was not there). I saw him get hurt inside through his eyes. Then, at the end of the night I was dared to lick his cheek. I told him Id do it, and he said “go ahead”, so i did. It is not at all known if he feels attracted to me. But in school today, he completly ignored me and only said “hi” when I saw him. He is in a grade higher than me and we do not have the same group of friends.

Guy #2
He went out with one of my friends. We have not done anything but he bit me and called it a “love bite” and I did the same back, he also pretended to sleep on my shoulder and gave me continuous hugs. In truth and dare, he did not mind doing anything, nor did Guy 1. In school today, he did give me a high five/ hug.

I am really confused on what to do and why they are behaving this way. What should I do? DO they like me?

Thank you for your help,
Paula

Hi Paula,
I think that you are playing sex games that should end immediately.

Inside you’re confused but deep down you know that this is the wrong way to get a boyfriend, by being promiscuous.

Wait a while longer before starting on the road to being sexually active.

Honestly, I don’t think either of these guy’s likes you as much as you need to be liked.

Stay single for a while longer, there’s a better guy coming your way.
Best wishes,
Rob.

Dear Rob,
I am in love and the guy I am in love with says he loves me too. He says when I am sad and crying, he cries too.

He says he was thinking about killing himself, but once he knew he loved me, he said he stopped. Today, he was really grumpy and mean, and it seemed like he didn’t care about me or what I said or did!

Does he really love me, or is he just saying that? Please Email me back!
Sincerely,
Confused

Dear Confused,
He’s lying to you to get something from you.

I’d break off with him and avoid him until he matures.
Best wishes,
Rob.

Dear Rob,
I fell for a guy, he’s my classmate then. He courted me this summer, then he became my boyfriend unexpectedly because something happened unexpectedly too.

The first time he was my boyfriend, I didn’t feel that he loved me. He say’s “I love you to” me, but that’s the only sweet thing I can see about him and I’m usually the first one to say that to him. We broke up after 8 days because he said that he still loves his ex girlfriend and I got really hurt because of that.

Then after awhile I forgot him because he doesn’t text me anymore. Then my friend talked to him, so my friend got his attention and he suddenly thought to text me.

When he started to text me again we became close friends until he started to court me again, after 1 month I agreed to be his girlfriend again.

Now that we’re together again I can feel that he really loves me.

Then he told me the truth that the first time we were together he didn’t really love me then I told him that he made me look silly in front of him back then. Then he said sorry to me about what he did. So now, whenever we fight I feel sad that I think that we should just break up.

I want us to stay together long but the only problem is his attitude. He also said that he only wanted us to be together for every summer not when there is school.

Hi,
You don’t need this loser dragging you around do you?
He’s already said what the ground rules are for your relationship, and you don’t like them.

Dump him and you may feel a little loss from him not being with you but trust me, he’s just using you and he’s said so to your face.
Follow your heart, end this now.
Rob

PS
Real couples don’t argue about petty things like the two of you do, it’s immature and unhealthy.

Dear Rob,
I am 18 years old and have recently moved house with my parents (about 11 weeks).

I have been hanging around with my cousin and making new friends through him and the circle kept growing until I met a girl of the same age who I have a crush on and now I see quite regularly as she is also close friends with my cousin.

We text and chat a lot but it always seems too ‘friendly’. But occasionally she will text me if we haven’t seen each other in a while just saying “Haven’t heard from you in ages lovely……..hope your ok…….haven’t seen you in like years” but when we talk it never seems a serious conversation. it will always end up joking about really random stuff and text laughing (hahahahaha).

We have a lot in common and laugh about the same things and I am always showing her that I care for her but I feel like she either hasn’t noticed or she has and is hiding it – I’m finding it really hard to work her out and I don’t want to leave it too long before I tell her I like her because I know that there are other guys interested in her too.

Please can you help me? I’m in a pickle?
Much appreciated Bob

Hi Bob,

She’s patiently waiting for you to make the first move. Really.
It takes a girl about three nanoseconds to decide if you’re worth the effort… clearly you are and she’s giving you all kinds of chances to ask her… so make the effort!

Stop playing the “let’s be friends” game while she is clearly interested in more otherwise her attentions will be turned to another guy because you haven’t “made a move”.

So, the next time you see her you say to her:
“Hey, let’s go out, just the two of us. You can take me on a date where ever you like. But I’m not a cheap date so make it a nice place!”

And stop constantly being available to her. You’ll become too much of a friend and not enough boyfriend material. No more instant replies, no more being always available… until you get that first date.

Don’t turn all wussy on her (or me). Be The Man that she wants to date. Add some cockiness and some mystery to your behavior and you’ll be fine. You’ll get the girl!
Best Wishes,
Rob.