Category Archives: Long Distance Relationships

How did he get over me so quickly?

Dear Rob,
Met a guy in NYC on a flight from Europe to LA… he came up to me, nice, tall, handsome. It was the most intense, most attractive I’ve ever felt with someone so soon.

Anyhow, we talked for hours and hours and I just felt like “wow, this guy is too good to be true”. Anyhow, we kissed and stuff and he got my info etc. We primarily texted the next few months, he called only 2x and I thought that was a bit strange, but I went with it. And while I was dating other guys, he was the one for me, but I played it cool. So he flew me out there in Nov… I stayed in a hotel since I wanted to send the message that there would be no sex that soon… even though all my guy friends thought it was weird.

So we had a fabulous time, the first night I crashed at his place but we didn’t “sleep together”. He’s kind of a weird guy in that everything was going great until that morning when we were going to meet his friends and sister (which was interesting), he asked if he should bring a camera and I said no. He sort of got weird, think he doesn’t like women with strong opinions. Anyhow, everything went well … meeting the friends, sister… went back to his place to play chess and watch TV and I was super tired so I wanted to take a nap. I was going to go back to my hotel room but he convinced me to nap at his place and we did and then of course, he tried again and I stopped it sort of early on again. Like really early on. I think that was it because after that he was completely “checked out”. Went to dinner, everything was okay and then when we were close to his place he told me to either go back to my hotel or go to his place and “just cuddle”… it was my choice.

Obviously he was annoyed. Annoyed that he was annoyed and cold, I hopped in a taxi and then changed my mind (like an idiot) and came back to his place with him. He immediately went to bed and was totally ignoring me… then we sort of got into it and he sat on the edge of the bed for 5min not saying a word and then calmly asked me to leave. I got dressed, left and then (AGAIN!) came back (we had a few glasses of wine, but still)… ugh. He didn’t walk me out and the next time I came back he was in the lobby… I was so NOT MYSELF in that I probably looked so pathetic. Anyhow, he asked me if I was drunk and that I was acting crazy and dismissive and to just go back and he would call me the next day. He never called and I sent a text saying I should have communicated things (not sleeping with him, etc) and thanks for everything. He replied “it was nice while it lasted, have a nice trip”.

Then a few wks later, I sent an email just sort of explaining things, and he responded, but letting it go. I know I sound desperate and pathetic, but I really had hopes for this one. We “clicked” and I hate that a bad turn of a few events led to the demise of the relationship. He probably thinks I’m pathetic and a tease… and it’s been a few months and I’m STILL hung up and feeling badly for how stupid the whole thing was.

So my question to you is this… should I send him a final email sort of saying I wouldn’t mind giving it another shot if he doesn’t, or what? Every other guy just doesn’t measure up and I feel so horrible about the fact that I wasn’t even acting like myself… more like me reacting to his sudden coldness. But if I didn’t go back and forth like an idiot, we may still be together. I don’t know, why can’t I let this go? And should I send him an email as an “olive branch”? Not sure who’s at fault here or if a guy could just “be over” it so quickly.

Thanks for any advice!

Hi,
Let him go, you had a great opening conversation but when life came together you were really just two completely different people that shared a “moment”, just as you said.

Don’t drag this out, he’s not concerned with you as much as you “want” to be in love with him.

I urge you to not continue contacting him because this will just not do any good.

If you have to work so hard to change his mind about you and how much harder would you have to work to continue a relationship?

Do you see how uneven and lop-sided the offering of mutual love will be?

Best wishes,
Rob

Breakup and Sex: A Long Distance Story

Dear Rob,
Hi. I am very confused right now.

I was dating this new guy for a couple months and things were going good, but a few months ago I broke up with him because I had moved out of town & the long distance wasn’t working for me. Although my ex later tells me that the breakup was a total surprise to him because he thought everything was going really good. He even said that he could have loved me.

I still see him and hang out with him & his family whenever im in town and whenever we’re with each other, it’s like we never broke up. We still sit next to each other, snuggle up under the blanket together & even still have sex.

I have been very devastated with my breaking off the relationship & i’ve been wanting to get back together with him. He always says he still cares about me & he always takes care of me when I need him.

He even let me stay with him & his family when I got kicked out of my parents house.

I have been wondering if maybe he wanted me back to so I asked him what he thought of us and our relationship but unfortunately he replied saying that he needed to tell me before I got to thinking something.

That what has been going on with us is just fun and that he doesn’t want me letting myself get hurt.

I asked why he didn’t want to be with me again thinking maybe it was because he was afraid of me leaving him again, but he said that he was single and that he wanted to stay single.

I am now so confused of what he wants from me and what I should do. I would greatly appreciate your advice!
Sincerely,
A Confused Woman

Hi Confused,
Break off with him completely and do it now.

You’re just “fun and sex” now that you’re not 100% available because of the distance involved.
You will not have a relationship that works because he cannot commit to you.

End things now and stay away from him. He has said the truth, he wants to stay single and that does not put you into the picture of the life he wants for himself.

If he calls, then tell him what I said (tell him you read a similar situation online). He will either explain or say it’s the truth. Then you will have your answer from him.

Best wishes,
Rob