Did He Play Me Or Is He Just A Jerk?

Dear Rob,

Can you help me with this?

I really like this guy, we have been friends for over ten years. We expressed feelings for each other but since then our friendship deteriorated as I would not settle for a casual kind of thing as I loved him.

We had a massive fight, where he ended up comparing me physically to another totally random female in front of our friends, then I told him I loved him, figuring he was insecure as I act distant, then he gave me an ultimatum to tell him when we saw each other in work (sober).I didn’t as he had struck a nerve and hurt me. He withdrew and I withdrew for months though we saw each other everyday.

A few months we were on hold then we saw each other again. I made a big effort, He was rude most of the time. I asked him straight out if I had done something to offend him, he said no and his voice was cracking and he went on in great detail about passing everyone off and ignoring everyone, which proved to me that his behaviour was deliberate. Literally he admitted to more things than I had noticed.

We were grand then, he helped me with a problem and seemed down when I didn’t go into it more with him (I didn’t cause I didn’t want to be bothering him and told him that).

Then recently at a big social do, I actually looked so well for once, that everyone complimented me. I tried a few times to talk to him, but he was odd and uncomfortable and would not look at me or stay to talk.

He flirted with a load of far better looking women, including one he knows I am jealous of, every so often I caught him looking at me, but he didn’t want me to see it.

He was the only man who did not say I looked well and actually acted like I was nothing, hardly there. I assumed he would spend the rest of the evening with his beautiful friends, so when I saw him head away, I decided not to join them in the bar as I normally do.

I was leaving a little while later and as I left I saw that he was in the bar with a couple of guys and found out that the girls had already left, so he was stuck. However, he could have just left too, but he didnt.

I dunno. I walked away. He has not mentioned it since and neither have I. Now he drops his head when he sees me and I dunno if I have just dented his ego (this guy is super confident with far better looking women) or if he really feels something.

Today I said hello to him and his head was down, he said hello back but it was abrupt and as I walked on, he greeted this other woman like she was an angel falling from heaven.

What do you think Bob. Should I tell him that I love him? Or is he just annoyed that the player has been played?

Hi,
Don’t tell him you love him…. The hurt he has caused you is only a small portion of what this man is capable of.

He went along with your idea of dating but the friendship was thrown aside and the dating was a bad idea.

Telling him you loved him only gave him ammunition to use against you, when things turned bad, which they did.

He wanted sex… and maybe friendship… but certainly nothing more.

Now when he sees you he sees the rejection all over again… but this does not mean he is sorry for what he has done, quite the contrary, if you continue to try to get closer to him, eventually he will relent and you’ll start dating… then his selfishness will come again and he’ll hurt you far worse than he has so far.

Let him stew in the miserable place he has created for himself… it’s not you, it’s all women. He is a boy in a man’s body, unsure of his place in the world, hurting because of his open selfish actions. I bet he likes to compare himself to action heros and male movie stars.

He feels that life has short changed him but the reality is, he has the control to correct himself and became a better person but he’s much rather get ahead at the cost of someone else, in work, play, where ever. This sort of man is overjoyed at the sound of someone else’s loss, whether it affects him directly or not.

Shallow, afraid, out of control, doesn’t understand his place in this world or how to get there.

It’s not so much that you think he’s a player… there is no winner in this game that he likes to play with women. Compliments and back stabbing is what this type know best.

But there is no going back, please move on from him.

There are plenty of great guys out there that won’t abuse you mentally or socially.
Best Wishes,
Rob.

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