Did She Lose Interest?

Hi Rob,
I saw your advice columns and figured I would take a shot on a question. I’ve been dating a girl for 3 months now, things are going well, we have fun together and really hit it off. However, I’m slightly concerned that I’m doing too much of the work in the relationship. I’m constantly the one who is making plans, usually paying for dinner, tickets, events, gifts, etc.

She shows affection (and occasionally splits the bill), but she really hasn’t decided to come out and do anything for me yet. I have expressed to her that I want to avoid being taken advantage of as in past relationships, and she understands and seems pretty genuine, but I want to make sure she somehow gets the hint that we both need to be doing things for each other for it to work.

Don’t get me wrong, sex and everything else is great, I just get the feeling sometimes that she doesn’t think of doing things for me sometimes. I really like this girl so I don’t want to shake things up too bad, but would welcome your advice on this one.
Thanks,
GPT
Boston, MA

Hi GPT,
It seems to me that her interest in you is well below the ‘serious relationship’ level.
The moment you stop buying her affection, she’s going to dump you.
She may have already and just be waiting for her next ship to come into port.

You’re going to have to cool things off and see if she comes to you.

Likely, you came on as interesting for her early in the relationship, a challenge to be worked, and she won and now has you jumping to keep up with her attention span which is shorter than a fruitfly’s.
It’s very hard to regain that challenge type of personality that first attracted her to you.

If you can’t step back to when you were first dating, it’s time you move on and let this be a lesson to you for your next relationship and keep in mind, if you’re going to let her make the rules of the relationship, it’s over.
Best wishes,
Rob.

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