Don’t Feed His Dependency!

Hi Rob,
I would love some advice please.
I have known Woody since we were 13. We went to school together, went to different universities and since returning to our home town we have again become friends. In the past few months though I have realised that I might want more than friendship.

Normally I can tell if a man is interested in me but his actions have me totally confused. He came to my birthday party in January and spent most of the night by my side. At the end of the night after everyone had passed out and found a place to sleep we went to my bed and SLEPT together. No sex. No touching. But in the morning we were mucking around and started play punching each other and playing knuckles! I don’t know why. I thought it was odd for a guy to lie beside me all night and not make a move.

A month or so later we were out on the town with a group and by the end of the night he was walking me to a taxi then asked if I wanted to come to his place for a drink. I went and he poured his heart out to me about his pressures at work and family relationships etc. He told me some very personal stuff. Then we again shared a bed though this time we lay in each other’s arms all night. That’s all. In the morning he was strange and would not walk me to my car. He later apologized for rambling on about his problems all night. I told him I was happy to listen anytime.

Since then whenever we see each other out we are always friendly and he stays by me most of the night. Once again the other night we started mucking around and playing knuckles. My hand was quite sore the next day! I realize how ridiculous this sounds. We are both 26 for goodness sake! How embarrassing!

I never really see him chat up other girls. I know he respects me and I know I respect him. Maybe we are just meant to be friends but I can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss him.

I am such a chicken and am unable to tell him how I feel. I don’t want to embarrass myself by making a move only to be rejected. If I knew he was keen I would though.
We share a lot of mutual friends and people like to talk… Do you think he likes me as more than a friend? Why hasn’t he made a move on me? I know you will tell me to tell him how I feel but I am seriously too scared to. What is your opinion and how can I tell if he is interested in being more than friends? Please help.
Thank you, Nat.

Hi Nat,
I bet this guy has a haphazard relationship with all the females in his family. He was the ‘good kid’ that treated everyone with respect but didn’t form relationships well as a youth.

Now, he’s got you to be the ‘nurturing type’. And you’re feeding this dependency by how you’re treating him.

He won’t make the first move, ever. He doesn’t know how. Unless in anger, which I bet he’s slow to boil too.

While this might feel good to you, you get to teach him how to be, he’ll end up using you because of his dependency and weakness in relationships.

You need to wait until he matures a lot more before going into a romantic relationship with this guy, unless you want to ‘mother’ him for the rest of your life.

Give him room to grow, keep as friends but back way off of any romantic feelings or you’re setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment.
Best wishes,
Rob.

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