Getting Her Interest And Failing To Close

Hi Rob,
Some months ago I got dumped by my girlfriend (we were closed to getting married after five years of living together) for a skinny ugly but rich and charming man twice my age. I was devastated for the months that followed, but when I started visiting your home page and read lots of your advice, I started to feel much better about my predicament. In fact my whole way of thinking (which was rather narrow and stereotypical I hate to admit) changed due to your advice.

I have now fully gained back my confidence and self esteem to the point where I can almost date any women I like. Almost being the key word here…….. I have fallen in love, and deeply I must say, to a cute girl from my job at a big time luxury hotel.
I have showed her how much I like her by courting her with quite some ways e.g. joke/innuendo/compliment/tease combos, body language, etc. After a few days of the above mentioned behavior which she really seemed to enjoy (she laughed, giggled, and smiled the whole time and generally responded in a very positive way) I gave her my phone number and told her to let me know if she’d like to come to work by car with me, since she lives close to me. Her response was a pause followed by a sly smile and tons of thank you for thinking like that.

I didn’t ask for her phone number since I didn’t want to put any pressure on her, but made a really strong pass on her, and judging from her smiles and responses I was almost sure that a touchdown was imminent. To my surprise she never phoned me, and I have the feeling that she is avoiding me. Whenever she is around me she looks very nervous and anxious about something, ignores me, and doesn’t respond to my courting anymore. All she does is greeting me politely and off she goes. WHAT HAPPENED?

I am 28, ok looking, well educated and have experience with women, but my being in love is clouding my ability to feel what happened!
Did I intimidate her? Did she just play with me? Doesn’t she like me the way I do? I don’t know, Rob, help out please!
Mr. P
P.S. I forgot to mention that I am her supervisor, and her uncle is my boss who by the way really likes me. She’s 25 and pretty so she’s had experience with men.

Hi Mr. P,
Let me tell you a story.

There was this guy that wanted to surf.
He bought books and did a lot of research about surfing. He learned all he could about the sport. Types of boards, locations that are good for surfing. Styles of clothes to wear. Everything surf-related that he could find he read or watched or did.
When he was ready he went and bought the best surf board he could afford.
He headed to the beach, waxed up his board, then went into the ocean and waited for the big wave to take him away.

Mr. P, you are that guy, sitting in the ocean, waiting for the big wave to come and take you away.

You’ve done everything. Except you didn’t go and catch that wave. You’re sitting there, legs dangling in the ocean, waiting for the wave to come and get you.

Mr. P, you’ve flirted, you’ve complimented, you’ve shown your interest. Then, instead of closing the deal and catching the wave, you gave her your number and now you sit, waiting for her to call you.

Big mistake.

She knows that there are a lot of surfers waiting to catch her wave. She doesn’t need to go and get the surfer. She doesn’t need to call you, you need to call her.

It’s really stupid to lay all that groundwork then back off by giving her your number and waiting for her to call. You should have gotten her number, not wussied out and given her your number and waited. You should have gotten her number and asked her for a date.

She looks nervous around you because she shouldn’t have to make the next step. She doesn’t call you for a date, you call her. That’s what she knows. It likely seems to her that all your courting, as you call it, was simply a put-on because you failed to close. And now, every moment you see her, that feeling of lost interest is being reinforced because, continually, you are failing to close.

She likes you, or at least she did, but now she’s losing interest because you backed off at the critical moment of getting her number.

The next time you see her, you get her number and say that you’ll call her later that same night to make a date with her. And leave it at that until you call her.

Your call to her will be short, just a couple of minutes long, to tell her when you’ll pick her up. The date should be no more than two days later. Plan something fun to do, not a dinner or anything like that. Build the momentum of dating by starting with fun things you can do together. Maybe your third date can be a dinner. No pressure, right?

The other thing I’d be concerned about is that you’re in a family business, dating your boss’s niece. Be sure you aren’t going against any company policies by dating another employee, especially one that you supervise. You may want to clarify dating her with her uncle because of this, I don’t know the situation.

Stop waiting for the wave to come and get you, make it happen. Swim out to that wave and make things happen!
Best wishes,
Rob.

2 thoughts on “Getting Her Interest And Failing To Close

  1. Rob,
    I dont know how to post my own entry or anything like that I would jsut like to ask you a few things.
    I have been seeing this guy for like a month, for the past week I have called maybe alittle too much, but everytime I call he doesnt answer but maybe once. Then he doesnt talk to me long or if I dont hear from him he will call me and act like nothing is wrong but then it is the same thing over and over.. I have even told him that I dont deserve to be done wrong and that if he doesnt like me then he needs to just tell me he still acts like nothing is wrong. Now I dont want to just break up with him for no reason because I do really like him, but in the same sense I feel like I am wasting the time I have on him.

  2. I think that he’s showing his true colors, he doesn’t care or the value he had on a relationship with you has done down quite a bit.

    First off, stop calling him to find out how he feels, guys hate that.

    Second, put him on the back burner, guys call when they’re interested, they want to know what you’re doing and the more you obsess about his lack of calling, and your calling to talk with him doesn’t help anything.

    Third, don’t call him, text him, don’t do anything. See how long he waits to call you.
    I do have a sense that after a month of dating, maybe he got what he wanted and is now moving on to other women. Am I wrong?

    Fourth, if he doesn’t call after three days of you not calling him or anything, then yes, breakup with him.
    Don’t play this ‘puppy on along leash’ gamer with him any more.

    Women often get caught up in the emotional cycle of having a boyfriend and fantasizing all kinds of great, loving scenarios with a guy when the relationship is new. As the relationship ages, matures a little, and the guy doesn’t fulfill this fantasy, women hold on, hold out hope that their dreams of a great relationship are still true.
    But the reality is “what you see is what you get” and if he’s a jerk now, he’ll be a jerk later.

    Do yourself a favor and read “Catch Him & Keep Him” you can get a look here: http://www.trycatchhimandkeephim.com, the book discusses this very issue and different ways you can handle it and what the possible outcomes are.
    Best wishes,
    Rob.

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