How Can I Trust Her When We Are Apart?

Dear Rob,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years, since our freshman year in college and we are both 20.

She is my first love and I am the first person she has ever been with. We spend all year together and recently we both got into the same law school.

I was planning on going to Europe this year and I encouraged her to do the same with her friends, I thought it would be a nice experience for the both of us before we started another stressful semester next September.

The only problem is that now I am constantly worried by the fact that she is going on an organized trip with a lot of other young people who will be partying and often a little drunk.

I also find her friends to be a bad influence. There is no history of cheating in our relationship, but we are both so young and she is so inexperienced I am worrying that she might be tempted to cheat.

We’ve talked about it and she assured me she wouldn’t. Do I need to face reality? At this age is it time for a little break during our trip? Or should I trust her until she proves otherwise? Does our age change the rules of the game since we are both just starting to experience life. I would really like to stop worrying.

Hi William,
All the time that you spend together is both a gift and a curse. You rely on her being with you, ready to “be your girl” from now to eternity but you don’t see her as being mature enough to not cheat on you.

The reality that you need to face is that your girlfriend is a person in her own right.

If you can’t trust her, you need to end the relationship.
It’s quite that simple.

Your unresolved jealousy, your general distrust of your commitment to her is being projected onto her as her problem when it’s really your problem.

You’ve had your talk with her. She has told you that she can be trusted. She’s said and done all she can do. It’s time for you to trust yourself that you have a great, beautiful, trustworthy person in your life that wants to share experiences with you without you being jealous of her own life and the control she has over her own actions.

I get many advice emails from guys that are jealous about how their girlfriends interact with other male friends. This jealousy and mistrust can almost always be traced back to the guy’s own insecurities about his relationship with the woman he supposedly “loves”.
I placed love in quotes because love requires:

If you can’t offer fully and completely these three things to your girlfriend, you need to resolve your own feelings, your own insecurities. Your time apart can be a wonderful growing experience that will lead to a fuller life for the both of you. If you let it.

Control yourself. Get counselling if you can’t resolve these feelings on your own.

Your future relationship depends on it. And not with just your current girlfriend but any and all friends you have in the future too. The world can be a jealous and covetous place, but don’t let it be your place.
Best Wishes,

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