Is He Trying To Play Me?

Dear Rob,
I met this guy on an internet dating service and our communication took several months before we were at the talking on the phone phase. We spoke a few times and the chemistry was amazing. He seemed to be a really honest and upfront guy. This particular website that we met on is geared (I think) for people truly looking to get married so he was very verbal about what he was looking for. The next day he called me again and asked me out. I went to his house and we went for lunch and a movie. Afterward we went to back to his house. Mind you, after lunch he smacked me on the rear end and in the movie theatre he made several moves (holding my hand and kissing me).

At his house, we continued to talk and then he got even more physical. He made so many futuristic comments like “I think we could work” “I bet you would make a good wife”…etc etc. All the while his hands were all over me. And he was extremely complimentary of me, saying that he was very attracted to me. I put a halt on it and told him that I was not ready for that but that I really liked him. I was not used to guys having such verbal diarrhea that it took me back and I was actually not very trusting of it. He asked when he could see me again and I told him I was free the next day. I may have to work but I would be free that night. This was going to be New Year’s Eve. He said he may have to work but he would call me the next day. I got into my car to leave and he asked that I call him when I got home, which I did. The next day I called him to let him know that I was home early and to give me a call. I never heard from him. Mind you, he is a flight attendant and told me that he would be working the entire month and that he would probably not be able to see me for a month.

I saw a piece of advice that you gave someone regarding a follow up phone call so I waited almost a week and then called him. I told him that I had not heard from him when he said he would call and that I was feeling kinda weird. That a call would be great so that I don’t think he was being one of those guys that says pretty things just to get a girl in the sack. And in case he lost my number I left it again. It has only been one day so I did not expect a hasty reply but I am still just confused as ever. I was not mad sounding or needy on the message (at least I don’t think I was). I tried to be playful yet honest with my feelings. I felt that because he came across so forthright that I could afford to do the same.
Is this guy just trying to play me?
Marge in Ohio

Hi Marge,
Yes, this guy was playing you.
When you didn’t fall for his flattery and “futuristic sounding questions” by giving in and having sex with him, he lost interest and is now likely trying the same thing on the next person he met online.

You have to wonder, no matter how long you’ve known each other online, why a guy would take you to the movies, essentially a place where the both of you sit in the dark not talking to each other, as a first date.
I never recommend movies until you’ve run out of other “couples things” to do on a date. At least 6 to 10 dates into being together going to the movies, occasionally, is OK.

Don’t bother calling him again.
And when he calls you, if you care to answer him at all, just say things moved a little fast and you like to take dating slower to make sure the guy is serious and not just after a trip to the bedroom.

If he does want to see you again, make sure he follows these rules.
Some guys (the guys that ruin online dating for most other guys) just try to find women for sex and will say anything, and promise everything, to get who they’ve met into bed.
Best wishes,

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