Is It Over?

Hi Rob,
My fiancé and I split about 2 weeks ago, we had been going out for two and a-half years and everything was going great until around 7 weeks ago when her dad died. Unfortunately she found her dad dead in the house, she organized everything funeral etc, and I tried to balance being there for her and giving her the space she needed but despite all of that she seemed to be coping fine.

She had to give up the house and is now staying with her half-sister and her boyfriend and she does not get on with her mum whom had split with dad sometime ago. The fiancĂ© and I had talked about her moving in with me even before her dad died, and after wards she knew she was more than welcome to stay, but about 3-4 weeks after the funeral she seemed to spend less time with me, I’d ask her down for supper etc., but she was always doing something else, especially with her best pal. She called me last week and told me “she didn’t want this right now” and I hadn’t done anything wrong, and finished it.

I’m gutted, IS IT me? Is it due to her Dad’s death? What should I do as she’s told me to stay in touch……. help.
Regards R.

Hi R,
It sounds like you dropped the ball. She didn’t get the support she needed from you at a critical time in her life. By giving her space, you actually let her down, I would think. You didn’t say if her ‘best pal’ was male or female and that can make a difference. I would have hoped that you’d have been picked as her ‘best pal’ to get her through this event in her life (her father’s death) and that’s where you lost her. You weren’t there.

Your goal now is to get back in touch with her. 2 and a half years isn’t something that is easily dismissed.
She needs to feel that you will be there for her and you’ve got to start acting like you will be there.

Start off with sending her some flowers or some other small gift that says you are thinking of her. Invite her out for a quiet dinner and a long talk about what has happened and your future together. If she doesn’t come with some solid answers, you’ll know that it’s time to move on. Don’t just hang around because she wants you to be near her and available. That’s just a weak excuse to drop you for a second time down the road.
Best wishes,
Rob.

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