Money Matters

Dear Rob,
My boyfriend and I (both in our 40’s) just moved in together. Each of us has 1 child. (teenagers).

I moved in with him and am giving him $1,000 per month towards his mortgage, bills, etc..

It bothers me to think that if I leave in however many years, he will be left with more of his equity paid off because of me, and I will have nothing.

When the subject comes us, he points out that if I were renting an apartment, I’d be paying a landlord each month as well.

Thanks. Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Mary,
Certainly it does seem as though you are a “renter” rather than a live-in romantic partner.

I think that if you aren’t going to have an “investment” in his house that you should move out.

There is a reason why people move in together and share their lives and it seems to me that he has put a limitation on what he’s willing to share.

He may be “protecting himself” should the two of you break up. But I think it’s totally uncalled for, I also think that it’s time you had a good financial picture done for the both of you. Money will be an issue, is THE issue and he’s not hearing you.

It is important that when two people move in together, without the legal bindings of marriage, that they both discuss openly and calmly the financial situation and how it affects the relationship. It’s all too easy for people not to talk about money because “they’re in love” but when push comes to shove, it’s usually money that breaks people up.

You should both have a signed agreement spelling out each person’s financial responsibilities and obligations. It’s not enough for this just to be “handled” as things arise.
Best wishes,

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