I have a somewhat typical situation.
I have been with my boyfriend of almost three years and we have a two year old son together. We are not married but do love each other.
He always talks about getting married but we haven’t done so because of lack of money.
Here’s the situation.
I love him but am not sure if he will be faithful to me. He has not cheated on me before ( at least not to my knowledge) but I am not sure if it will stay that way.
All his life he has had many girlfriends and many sugar mamas.
You see when I met him he worked at a night club. He was hooking up with a lot of different girls and did not have a care in the world.
Two months after we met he proposed to me and one month later we found out I was pregnant.
At this time I did not have any doubts about him. While I was about 4 months pregnant I saw an email he wrote to an ex-girlfriend and he was telling her that he will always love her.
I became furious and he told me it was just part of him letting go of his first love.
I tried to put it past me because I did not see any other contact between them. Then when I was six months pregnant while he was asleep his phone got a text message. I opened the message and saw it was a picture of a woman’s private parts. This was from a girl that he knew from the club he worked at.
I did not say anything to him but continued to look in his phone. There were numerous different text messages from a variety of girls from the club. None of them indicated that he had done anything sexual with them but they were all flirty and sexual in nature.
I have confronted him about this and he says that he is just a natural flirt. He promised he would not receive these kinds of pictures anymore but he did not think it was any different than looking at pornography.
I think there is a BIG difference.
Our son is now 2 years old but the text messaging to girls has not stopped. He still gets phone numbers from girls he says that he’s “friends” with from the club.
He has not cheated before and says he’s not the cheating type.
But why cant he let go of the flirting, does he just crave attention from women to make him feel wanted.
He is an attractive man and he gets hit on all the time.
In my defence I am also attractive, always getting hit on but do have some self-esteem issues.
I feel it is important to say that I was in a serious long-distance relationship before and completely loved and trusted this man.
I did find out that he was cheating on me before because his other girlfriend gave me a vicious call to let me know as soon as she found out.
He did continue his relationship with her as she lived in the same city as him and I was a 12 hour plane ride away. I was very very hurt over this and wonder if this is the reason for my not trusting my current boyfriend.
So the question is: am I being paranoid because of my past experience or does it sound like my current man is having an affair?
I am so confused and at the end of my rope with making myself crazy for always wondering what is really going on?! PLEASE give me any thoughts on the matter!
Dazed and Confused!
Hi D & C,
He is cheating on you, if not in the actual act then as a fantasy and in his behavior.
You are not paranoid, he has given you very little to show much trust in what he does, right?
He should not be behaving this way…. Even “Natural flirts” have to grow up and be a man when they have a child and a wife, married or not.
No matter the job a real man can be faithful. I think that as long as he has this nightclub job temptation will always be near and sooner or later, whether out of frustration or fantasy, he will cheat on you sexually, instead of just with words and actions.
Get him to stop this behavior and get a ring on your finger or else kick him out and get a lawyer for custody and support money.