She Smiles Back, Now What?

Hi Rob,
There was this girl Anya, that I had a crush on when I was 17.

We used to work in the same shopping complex and a co-worker told her my feelings. She reacted and showed interest towards me by coming to the place I worked as I was a checkout operator she would come to me for service. But we never speak spoke as I was too shy and we usually just smiled to each other. This went on for a while until we didn’t see each other, however she went to the same church for mass as me. I moved on with life went out with a few girls, and 7 years later I am now single again.

I’ve joined this bible study to get closer to God and meet new people. Now I have started to see Anya at mass and decided to go up to her after mass as I built up the confidence because I didn’t want to die wondering of what could have been, so I spoke to her briefly and said things such as “it’s taken me 7 years to build up the courage to speak to you”.

The rest was small talk, however I invited her to this bible study and gave her my phone number. She called me 5 days later and said “Ray to be honest bible study isn’t my thing”, I said that was cool but “I would really like to take you out sometime” she laughed and I said “don’t be shy you have my number” and she laughed. That was it, 2 weeks ago, should I chase her up next time I see her at mass, or let her call me and ask me out or should I take her as not calling me as not being interested?
Thanks Billy

Hi Billy,
If you wait for her to call it’ll be a long time. Take the initiative and ask her out for a coffee. I am sure you have many things to talk about and share.
Make the call if you have her number or talk to her about getting together the next time you see her. Be sure you have a place and a time available to ask her out. Don’t call or talk to her without a plan. And keep the call/talk short and to the point. You just want a date, not a life story, at this point.

It’s good in a way that you opened up with her when you talked about your teenage crush, but don’t carry that topic any farther. You’re a man now, so act like one.

The date you ask her to should be a coffee somewhere, maybe an hour long, and if the conversation goes well you call her the next day for a more formal date.

The key to asking a girl out on a date once she has returned your smiles is not to play shy. You’ve got to get active, with a plan, and ask her out.
First is a coffee or dessert somewhere. In the afternoon or early evening. Nothing too late or too early.

From there you move on to the first phone call after the first coffee date. The conversation should be kept to a minimum so that you’ll avoid boring her, running out of things to say, or saying too much.
The first date can be another, more intense coffee, a lunch or maybe even a dinner. My personal preference has been to do something unique. Sure everyone needs to eat, but have you gone bowling lately? Strolled through a local museum? Minigolf? Window gift shopping? Even take your camera for some lakeshore photographs? Maybe even a walk in a busy area of town to ‘people watch’. The idea here is that everyone eats, but you don’t have to feed her. Try something different and you’ll score much better on her interest gauge.

1. Coffee date (Day 1)
2. First phone call (Day 2)
3. More coffee, lunch or better yet plan something unique to do (Day 4 to 6) This can be repeated every couple of days until…
4. First official dinner date (Thursday night, somewhere in Day 12 to 17)
5. If you’ve made it this far, you’re dating! In another two weeks it’s time to talk about ‘exclusivity’!
6. After Day 25 you’re good for Saturday night dates.

I hope things work out well for you,
Best wishes,

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