Tag Archives: bad relationship

The Inadvertent Player

Dear Rob,
Five years back I got in touch with my old 8th grade friend from back home. We got in touch through emails and became really good friends. He used to be affectionate and used to tell me its only as a degree of affection as a friend. I was like ok.

I visited him and we met a couple of times when I went back home. Then also he used to say I love you and I miss you. But every time he used to say it’s only as a friend. I got back and again we were in touch through emails. Suddenly he changed, started flirting with me so much. The flirting became so deep that he asked me if I can wait for 2 years, then he will marry me. I always told him I cannot commit without my dad’s consent and asked him to talk to my dad.

But I clearly showed back affection and interest towards him. He was like “ya..I’ll talk to your dad and we can marry”. For 5 or 6 months this continued. He talked almost like we were in a relationship. One day, suddenly he changed and started saying that whatever he did to me is all “legpulling”. I was so shocked, cried and asked him why did he all this to me.

All he was saying is he just leggpulled. he said he likes me but didn’t think beyond that (like going for a long-time relationship or marriage). He asked me if I seriously wanna get into a relation with him. He gave a few days time to think and tell him. I told yes, and after I told him yes, he was like I also need to think and decide.

He suggested me to wait for 6 to 8 months, and he told me we can understand each other for few months and then decide. I told him ok. After 6 months, He is still not sure about anything, and now he is saying destiny will decide in the future. I told him clearly lets quit everything and be good friends.

For that also, he is not so ready to quit me forever. He still wants me to hang on to him and saying lets be friends now with out any expectations and destiny will decide. But I clearly told him to quit everything. He said he will decide about the quitting and will tell his decision soon.

I simply couldn’t understand this guys intention? Is he playing with me? Should I quit him forever? I’m confused.

One thing he tells me he might not have pulled my legs if he knew that I liked him in that sense. Did he really do legpulling with me for 5 months? I cannot believe how some one can pull legs for 5 months continuously? Is he lying about legpulling? He also said he pull his other close female friend legs and those gals never misunderstood him.
Thanks,
Tina

Hi Tina,
Guys like this act the way they do for two reasons:
1. See how far they can “get” with you when you’re with them, and;
2. It’s comforting for them to experience “love and affection” when they are really just waiting for someone better to come along.

This guy has been playing you, whether he really meant to or not.
It’s time to not only give him space, but to leave him be.
This is the type of guy that would cheat on you, break up with you and come crawling back, over and over.

He’s the type that would take you for granted, because you really would love him and he really hasn’t experienced “love” for you.

Dump him.
Don’t contact him anymore.
Look for someone that will treat you with respect and real love.
Best wishes,
Rob.

Being Used By Him

Hi Rob,
I’m going nuts and need some good advice quick. Met a wonderful guy on holiday we get on fantastically after spending a month together we communicated on the phone for another two after I got back home until I told him I couldn’t accept the terms & conditions… he’s seeing someone and has been for a year, by the time I found out was in far too deep… anyway, like I said told him I couldn’t carry on communicating with him so we stopped for about a week then he started calling me again till I had another dose of bitter reality. He’s still seeing her. He has basically told me that he is falling for me fast, although I didn’t tell him so (and I kinda regret this now) I feel the same way.

I know I love him and I don’t want to appear flaky. Do you think I should devise someway of holding his attention in case him & her break up or should I just forget him all together?
Silly-billy

Hi Silly-billy,
He’s using you, plain and simple.

If he decides to dump the other girl and go with you only, he’ll cheat on you just as he cheated on her with you.

Do you really want that type of a guy as the most important person in your life?
No, you don’t.

I’d even go so far as to threaten to tell his current girl about the two of you. That will force him to show his true colors.

He’s just using you.
Get rid of him.
Best wishes,
Rob.