Tag Archives: breakup

I Want To Date My Ex Again! Help!

Dear Rob,
I could really use some advice on this one.

I dated my ex-boyfriend exclusively for a little over a year. Prior to our intimate relationship, we were friends ever since the eighth grade. I will be twenty in February. I was the one who broke it off during the summer of last year. I had plans for myself to go away to school and I wanted to know what it felt like without him at my side.

I am young and very independent!
He was one of the reasons why I decided to stay at home for the first year. I feel madly in love with him and then I broke his heart. We did not speak to each other very much throughout the 8 months that has passed but I never stopped thinking about him.

This New Years, I ran into him and his new girlfriend! I was so polite and sweet to the both of them but I was crying and jealous on the inside.
I still have feelings for him, I still love him and I know he does too. We talked and he said he will always be in love with me but he will not dump his new girl and run away with me.

That wasn’t the answer I wanted.
I even tried to kiss him and he wouldn’t kiss me back. It hurts. He was the first guy I ever loved. We knew each other so well that we would finish each others sentences. And how he made me laugh… I gave so much of me to him, why won’t he forgive me and give me another chance? What do you think?
Lost

Hi Lost,
For good or bad, you made your choice last year. Now you have to live with it. If he were to leave his current girlfriend just to be with you again because “you miss him” you’d be a home-breaker and he’d be an ass.

He’s living with your decision and moved on, so should you.
You said he was your first intimate partner. That’s why there are those jealous feelings involved. You made a mistake then being with him and are also living through that mistake now that you’re not together.

Again, he’s moved on, so should you.

There are plenty of guys out there, I honestly hope that you’ll find another with such high standards.
Best wishes,
Rob.

Broken Up And Kicked To The Curb

Hi Rob,
I am having a little trouble here, and I desperately need advice, alright, here it goes.

I am in love with my best friend’s boyfriend, me and him have dated before and I can’t control this jealousy. I want him back so badly but I don’t know if I should go there. He likes me and I like him, but is booting my best friend outta the picture and putting me into her place in my attempt to light an old flame a good idea, if so how do I do it?
Desperately in love

Hi Desperately,
You’ve been kicked to the curb once and now you want to give him the chance to do it again?

Don’t go there.
Don’t be jealous, be unforgiving.

And find someone else to date, if you have to date.
Maybe you should be single for a while…..
Best wishes,
Rob.

The Rules For Breaking Up

Hi Rob,
I am graduating from college this year, and I am planning on making a cross-country move. My boyfriend (of two years) does not want to move anywhere for at least a few years.

I don’t want anything to do with a long distance relationship (I’ve done it before – it’s not a good fit for me. I would rather be single than have a boyfriend who is not actually with me). In addition, when I think about the future, I know that our opinions vary greatly on certain topics (marriage, children, religion) that are of importance to me. I know for sure that I have to end the relationship to be fair to both myself and to him.

My problem is that I have been with him for so long and had so many great experiences… and we haven’t had many bad ones. There isn’t a huge “bad” thing that makes me want to break up with him. I love him, and I am happy with him now, and I don’t want to hurt him. I know that hurting him is inevitable in this situation, but I still have to do what I know will be the right thing. I will certainly be honest with him when I tell him why I think this is the best idea. But is there a way to tell him that is less hurtful than other ways? Is there a way that is more hurtful? I want to make it as nice as possible, as my feelings for him remain – just not the potential for a future.
Thanks

Hi,
As the song goes “Breakin’ up is hard to do”…
There is no good way to break up. Feelings will get hurt. Your hope lies in the fact that he’s mature enough to understand that you are growing, and going, in different directions.

My suggestion to you is to be upfront about your goals for your future and why he’s not going to be a part of your life.

And be honest with yourself, if you don’t have a future together, you really don’t have an honest relationship.
Make the break clean. Tell him, if he pressures you to keep in contact, that you’ll get in touch with him after you’ve moved and settled in. And don’t stay in touch with him before you do move. Don’t give him the hope of contact that he may be able to change your mind and get back with you.

Who knows what the future holds? It’s enough of a crapshoot to get through tomorrow.
But break it off now, don’t drag him through the next few weeks wondering about the state of your relationship.
Best wishes,
Rob.

Never Give A Guy A Second Chance

Hi Rob,
Look I need your help, I don’t know what to do any more.

My friends give me advice but it’s not good enough for me. Well you see I’m already in a relationship…. and I have been with him a time before this. He did me real dirty and we ended up breaking up…well at first I thought it was the end and that I’d give anything to have him back. so I distanced myself from him and it took him 2 months but he came back begging for a 2nd chance. Being the good person with a KIND heart I said yes.

Well its only been 3 weeks and I don’t feel the same!?!?!

A friend who’d been through the same problem as me said it took her sometime to feel the same when her and her boyfriend got back together… but 3 weeks seems to long!!!!

I don’t want to break up with cause I still care, I just cant respect him any more!!! But there’s also something other then that I forgot to say 🙂

There’s this one guy at school, and I’m not that type of girl who cheats but he always stares at me… and it looks like he wants to say something but never does. I find him to be so interesting. lol

That’s how I felt about my boyfriend before all this. But all he ever does is smile and looks at me. He has said about 18 words to me but do you think I should work things out with my boyfriend or go talk to the guy at school???

Hi,
You need to break up with this guy.
AND stop being so dependent.

If you value yourself only by the guy you’re going out with you’re going to have a lot of heartache.

My suggestion:
Break up with boyfriend number one.
Ignore the guy that’s staring at you…. sounds freaky to me and just because a guy makes eyes at you you’re considering changing your boyfriends?
UGH!

Stay single until the week before Valentine’s Day and see who comes after you.
Feel free to date anyone BUT the guy you broke up with.
Never give a guy a second chance.
Best wishes,
Rob.

Is It Over?

Hi Rob,
My fiancé and I split about 2 weeks ago, we had been going out for two and a-half years and everything was going great until around 7 weeks ago when her dad died. Unfortunately she found her dad dead in the house, she organized everything funeral etc, and I tried to balance being there for her and giving her the space she needed but despite all of that she seemed to be coping fine.

She had to give up the house and is now staying with her half-sister and her boyfriend and she does not get on with her mum whom had split with dad sometime ago. The fiancĂ© and I had talked about her moving in with me even before her dad died, and after wards she knew she was more than welcome to stay, but about 3-4 weeks after the funeral she seemed to spend less time with me, I’d ask her down for supper etc., but she was always doing something else, especially with her best pal. She called me last week and told me “she didn’t want this right now” and I hadn’t done anything wrong, and finished it.

I’m gutted, IS IT me? Is it due to her Dad’s death? What should I do as she’s told me to stay in touch……. help.
Regards R.

Hi R,
It sounds like you dropped the ball. She didn’t get the support she needed from you at a critical time in her life. By giving her space, you actually let her down, I would think. You didn’t say if her ‘best pal’ was male or female and that can make a difference. I would have hoped that you’d have been picked as her ‘best pal’ to get her through this event in her life (her father’s death) and that’s where you lost her. You weren’t there.

Your goal now is to get back in touch with her. 2 and a half years isn’t something that is easily dismissed.
She needs to feel that you will be there for her and you’ve got to start acting like you will be there.

Start off with sending her some flowers or some other small gift that says you are thinking of her. Invite her out for a quiet dinner and a long talk about what has happened and your future together. If she doesn’t come with some solid answers, you’ll know that it’s time to move on. Don’t just hang around because she wants you to be near her and available. That’s just a weak excuse to drop you for a second time down the road.
Best wishes,
Rob.