Tag Archives: dating rules for guys

Rules For Guys

Dear Rob,
I’ve been hanging out with this guy maybe once a week for a month now. Really a great guy with an awesome career and is cool, hip, culturally aware.

He reads awesome literature and watches foreign films (which I absolutely love). He seems to like me, but doesn’t seem heads over heels crazy about me.

We see each other about once a week on average because I work a full time job and he’s a freelancer, so he has a lot more flexibility in his schedule.

The problem is that I’ve always expected a certain amount of chivalry and gentlemanly manners, like opening the door and letting me enter first, paying on the first date, etc., but this guy is Mr “Lets go Dutch.” Or I pay this time, you pay next time. Which would be fine if we were friends, but we’re kind of dating, not just friends.

And I’m just not used to that this early in the game, nor am I used to a guy who will start crossing the street first without waiting for me. It’s extremely frustrating.

I’m in my early 30’s and he’s 3 years younger. Do you think it’s an age thing? Or he’s just never been taught to have manners by his mother?

After hanging out a few times I finally spent the night and it was fun, but he didn’t make sure that I finished first. And to top it off, I ended up snoring in the night and when I woke up his was gone! I went to look for him in the living room and he was reading. I asked him what was up and he told me my snoring kept him awake and he’s been up for the past few hours. Cripes, how embarrassing.

How should I proceed from here? Wait for him to contact me? Or just forget it and move on?
Snorty Girl

Hi Snorty Girl,
This guy sounds incredibly immature and selfish to me. I understand that guys need to spark interest in girls. Fuel the flames of attraction and all that. But, once the guy has the girl there are certain ways to behave and this guy doesn’t know what that is. Too bad for him.

And you’ll waste a lot of your time teaching him proper manners when he’s not really serious about you if you decide to keep seeing him. Too bad for you.

This is not due to your difference in age, it’s do to a bad, ever expanding societal flaw: “men and women don’t know how to respect each other”.

What I do suggest is that you talk to him point blank about your expectations in a relationship.
Explain to him about opening doors, walking together, sharing the bill.
Either this will move your “Kind of dating” into a more serious place or you’ll end up just dumping him and let him practice his poor behavior on someone that expects this type of crap from the guys they date.

You certainly deserve better.

And guys, for the record:
Open doors for the women (car doors, building doors, etc.)
Going out to eat? Decide before you get there if you’re splitting the bill or paying for the meal
Wear clean clothes
Button shirts should have no more than two buttons unbuttoned
Shave off that facial hair unless you’re religiously obligated to wear it
Shower in the morning, shower before your date
Don’t be selfish in bed
Best wishes,
Rob

Five Signs She’s Going To Say Yes

Dear Reader,
The biggest hurdle most guys have about asking a woman for a date is their own self-confidence; their own fear of being rejected. Once you can conquer that fear of women you can ask anything of anyone.

Look at yourself and how you talk with other men. Basically you treat other men you talk to as equals. I have to ask, are women that different?
No, they aren’t.
Once you can speak with women honestly, comfortably and as an equal, your personal success with women will skyrocket.

And, as a bonus, you’ll be able to ask her for a date within minutes of walking up to her and starting a conversation.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way:
THE FACTS

A woman’s body language will tell you when it’s the right time to ask her for a date.

Small touches on the arm, on your shoulder. When she’s standing facing you, she’ll pull her shoulders back, chest forward, and arms open at her sides or if she’s seated her arms will be comfortably placed on the table, maybe apart, maybe with fingers playing with her fingers or hair.
A woman will look at you, in the eyes, and turn her head downward. Then up again, to be certain you’re still there, showing interest in her
Crossed arms are a sign of defence, she’s protecting her from you. Use humorous, cocky conversation at this time to relax her. Looking away, over your shoulder or twisting away to look behind herself or away from you are also defence and defiance body language motions. You’re not gaining any attraction points here, you may have to take a walk and try again later. But don’t give up, just give her a “pause” from you.
When a woman is defensive or defiant, she’s looking for a better catch, a more interesting man.
By taking a “pause” from her you’ll allow her the space and time she needs to confirm to herself that you are the right catch.

THE FIVE SIGNS

Watch her body language for these signs:

Eyes looking at yours, quickly, then looking down for a short time, then back at you;

Small touches to your arm, shoulder or hand;

Sitting close together she’ll brush her leg against yours, slightly, not hard;

Laughing with you as you make jokes and actively responding to your conversation;

Keeping her arms in an open posture, playing with her hair, fingers, straightening her clothes, the glass on the table and other open, nervous, preening movements.

FINAL COMMENT

Within a few minutes of getting the “green light” of her body language you should be asking for your first date. A simple get-together for a coffee or snack within the next three days. And don’t forget to her phone number or email to follow-up with her on the second day to confirm the date!
Have a great time!
Rob.