Tag Archives: dating

Follow Your Heart

Dear Rob,
I fell for a guy, he’s my classmate then. He courted me this summer, then he became my boyfriend unexpectedly because something happened unexpectedly too.

The first time he was my boyfriend, I didn’t feel that he loved me. He say’s “I love you to” me, but that’s the only sweet thing I can see about him and I’m usually the first one to say that to him. We broke up after 8 days because he said that he still loves his ex girlfriend and I got really hurt because of that.

Then after awhile I forgot him because he doesn’t text me anymore. Then my friend talked to him, so my friend got his attention and he suddenly thought to text me.

When he started to text me again we became close friends until he started to court me again, after 1 month I agreed to be his girlfriend again.

Now that we’re together again I can feel that he really loves me.

Then he told me the truth that the first time we were together he didn’t really love me then I told him that he made me look silly in front of him back then. Then he said sorry to me about what he did. So now, whenever we fight I feel sad that I think that we should just break up.

I want us to stay together long but the only problem is his attitude. He also said that he only wanted us to be together for every summer not when there is school.

Hi,
You don’t need this loser dragging you around do you?
He’s already said what the ground rules are for your relationship, and you don’t like them.

Dump him and you may feel a little loss from him not being with you but trust me, he’s just using you and he’s said so to your face.
Follow your heart, end this now.
Rob

PS
Real couples don’t argue about petty things like the two of you do, it’s immature and unhealthy.

Help Asking Her Out

Dear Rob,
I’ve known this girl since we were both kids, as we live in the same street and we both go to the same youth group where she is the youth leader. We’re both 19. I’ve grown to like her a lot, to the stage where I’ve developed feelings for her. I only ever see her once a week at the youth group. At the start of 2005 and nearly every other week I used to catch her staring at me. I could be talking to some people and she’d be in another group in another conversation, and if I was to turn or look around the room I would immediately catch her staring dead straight into my eyes for no apparent reason. Once I caught her she’d look a bit nervous, and look away. Some nights I’ve caught her out and then she does it again two minutes later. One night I was sitting down talking with someone and she was in the row in front and I just happened to look in front and caught her again. This time I held the stare and I smiled, she did too, and then turned back around. This has happened so many other times as well with her.

Whenever we both hold a conversation we are both very shy towards each other, as we’re both shy people, but she always looks me in the eye so much so that I’m just too nervous to hold the contact.

If she is ever walking towards me in the street or mall she looks in my direction then quickly looks away and acts all nervous until we pass, when she does acknowledge me, sometimes acting surprised that she has seen me. Is she trying to avoid me or is she just nervous? Also whenever I make a mistake, be a clutz, make myself look stupid or tell a dumb joke, she’ll laugh.

Does her doing these things mean anything or am I just over reacting and blowing things out of proportion?

I’m just too scared to make a move or anything because I’m afraid of being rejected and making a fool of myself, plus she’d be an 11/10 in the looks dept, where’d I’d only rate myself 5/10 which makes me wonder why she’d be even remotely interested. I’m sort of waiting around for her to give me more of these signs before I do anything, but in the meantime I know that she might just find someone else, maybe for good, then I would loose her for good. How can I get over myself and handle this situation or just ask her out?

Hi,
You sound like a nice guy. Invite her out for a coffee or something after the next youth group meeting.

It’s likely she’s as experienced as you are in the relationship department, good looking girls are all too often lonely because every guy is afraid of rejection and doesn’t ask her out.

Get over yourself and your fears. Read more articles on my site and ask her out for a coffee.
Best wishes,
Rob.

Girlfriend Insecurities

Hi Rob,
I’ve tried asking you before, so I’ll try again, if that’s O.K. with you.

I’ve known this girl for 6 years, but has been seeing/dating for 8 months now. I love her, and she loves me. The problem is that I’m really insecure and is confused in what to do. She also has an ex-boyfriend who she’s still interacting with. Sometimes she seems to spend more time with him than she does with me. And I also think the ex-boyfriend is falling back in love with her. So soon he’ll try to seduce her, if he’s not trying already.

At the same time, she has a lot of male friends and hangs out with them too. I’m more confident about these male “toys” she refers them to, but all these guys really like her too and want to date her as well. (Amongst other things.) She also toys with them into making them want her but to have the “Look, but don’t touch” thing going on. I one day fear that I’ll one day become a “toy” to her too.

I’m really confused about this situation, and any smart guy would just look into this situation and say “Break up with her”. But all these things happened during our relationship and I’m still very much in love with her. I keep fearing she’ll leave me for her ex again, or one of her boy toys.

My insecurities keep eating up my insides, we’re fighting more, and it has almost led to us breaking up many times. I even considered spying on her and I hate what I’ve become. I just want a healthy relationship with the woman I love and to be confident that she won’t cheat on me. Can you help me be more confident about myself?
Thank you,
J.J.

Hi J.J.,
She’s testing the waters, expressing her freedom.
And the more you complain about it, the more you fight about it, the more you lose her.

I bet that if you keep this up she dumps you in less than two months.

Make friends with her friends. Bury your insecurities.
And start enjoying the fact that you’re not her only friend so that you can have a life too, outside of your relationship.

Really, being such a wuss, such a complainer and so insecure will certainly drive her away.

Lighten up. Remember, she’s dating you, not any of those other guys.
Best wishes,
Rob.

When Does Exclusivity Start?

Hi Rob,
I’m a 29 yr. old Chicago male and have an interesting situation I’m looking for advice on.

I’m a professional theatre actor and over the summer met a younger girl (23) while performing in a benefit with her. She expressed interest in me – our cast of 5 went out after rehearsals and everyone would leave but me and her. She wound up spending the night at my place twice, the first time not much happened, the second time we made out all night. She definitely initiated everything.

Once the benefit was over, she called me quite frequently – about every other night, and rarely did we talk for less than a half hour. But every time I asked her to do something, she was busy, had plans, or for whatever reason couldn’t accept. This went on for nearly a month. I knew her work schedule was erratic and she was busy, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Eventually the line went cold, and we didn’t talk nearly as much. I finally was able to get together with her twice – once to watch a movie at my place, once for lunch, but both times I got the impression that she wasn’t that interested anymore.

Recently I finally got her to come over for dinner and a bonfire in my yard. She was much more flirty and friendly towards me, and even initiated kissing me a few times later in the evening by the bonfire (she stopped me mid-sentence and just said “kiss me”).

She explained that there were other guys in the picture earlier, and that’s why she couldn’t get together with me. I asked if we were on the “same page” now, and she said she just didn’t know where things were going to go. She spent the night that night, and we went out again the following weekend – I went to see a show she was in, we went to some bars, and she again spent the night.

So where do I go from here? Do I revisit the “where do we stand” question? I still am doing a majority of the calling, and I know she has lots of guy friends she spends time with, but it seems that when I do see her now, she’s into me. Advice? Thanks
Confused in Chicago

Hi Confused,
Unfortunately, you are the prize in the fair. Fun to be with but the attraction fades when you’re not on display any more.

Where do you go from here? Enjoy yourself but don’t think for a minute that this girl isn’t a player. She’ll be around for a good time but not a long time.

Be careful about getting emotionally involved because that isn’t what she wants from you. Not yet anyways and maybe not ever.
If you’re still hanging together in a couple of months (a couple of weeks before Christmas) it’ll be time to talk about ‘exclusivity’. If only to find out whether she gets jewelry or a board game as a Christmas gift.

If you want to know quicker how things are, stop calling her and see what happens.
Best wishes,
Rob.

Being Used By Him

Hi Rob,
I’m going nuts and need some good advice quick. Met a wonderful guy on holiday we get on fantastically after spending a month together we communicated on the phone for another two after I got back home until I told him I couldn’t accept the terms & conditions… he’s seeing someone and has been for a year, by the time I found out was in far too deep… anyway, like I said told him I couldn’t carry on communicating with him so we stopped for about a week then he started calling me again till I had another dose of bitter reality. He’s still seeing her. He has basically told me that he is falling for me fast, although I didn’t tell him so (and I kinda regret this now) I feel the same way.

I know I love him and I don’t want to appear flaky. Do you think I should devise someway of holding his attention in case him & her break up or should I just forget him all together?
Silly-billy

Hi Silly-billy,
He’s using you, plain and simple.

If he decides to dump the other girl and go with you only, he’ll cheat on you just as he cheated on her with you.

Do you really want that type of a guy as the most important person in your life?
No, you don’t.

I’d even go so far as to threaten to tell his current girl about the two of you. That will force him to show his true colors.

He’s just using you.
Get rid of him.
Best wishes,
Rob.