Tag Archives: first love

Dating An Older Guy And A Cheater

Dear Rob,
My name’s Diana.

Me and my first love got back together after being apart for 4 years. He cheated on me. We got back together about 2 months ago.

He’s cheated on me again with his ex-girlfriend. He told me so many lies about him not wanting her, her not meaning anything, and all the other bullsh*t. He still tries to get back with me, saying that he loves me and that it won’t happen again.

He said that when him and her were having sex he stopped it, and told her that it was all about me. I know that has to be bullsh*t for real. What guy would stop having sex?

He told me that he told her that he loved me, blah blah blah. But, he cheated on me. He lied to me more than 15 times, telling me that nothing was going on and that he would never do me like he did in the past.

He basically did the same thing. When we first started talking I was only 14 years old. He said that he cheated because I was young and we couldn’t spend time together, and he could have went to jail.

But, why would he talk to me?? He is basically a piece of crap and I want him out of my system terribly. Yet, even though he did that to me, I’m still in love with the trick. I don’t understand why. Please give me some advice (Maybe God can speak through you!).
Thanks,
Diana

Hi Diana,
I hate to be the one to break the news but you’ve been used and used badly.
And you keep coming back for more.

Let’s look at what you told me:
– You were 14 when you started dating this guy. Obviously he’s older, maybe by more than a couple of years. He may even been a statutory rapist for all I know.
– Whenever he had the chance, when you weren’t available for what he wanted, he found a girl that he could get what he wanted from. He not only cheated on you but he cheated on these other girls too.
– He never took your relationship seriously but he does know how to manipulate you into getting what he wants.
– He knows how to lie to you, to apologize to you and to get you in a frenzy enough that you want him back no matter what he’s done.

Now let’s look at what I read between the lines:
– You’re not old enough and you’re not responsible enough to make any right choices that affect the rest of your life.
– You think that you’re following your heart but you’re only following the emotions of the moment that blind you to the reality of what’s really happening.
– You’re willing to give yourself justification by forgiving him because you think it’s right but you don’t actually see how he is manipulating you.
– You know that this is a bad relationship and you also know that your parents wouldn’t like it so you hide this from them, likely lying about what’s going on in your life.
– I’ll even bet that the majority of your friends don’t like this guy and you’ve probably even lost friends by putting this guy first.

What you need to know about guys:
Guys think logically. 2 + 2 equals 4. Red and yellow mix up to make green. Lies are allowed until caught and then you can probably talk yourself out of trouble by throwing in the words “love, forgive, it won’t happen again, it’s not a big deal, she didn’t mean anything” and such.
Guy’s can sense when they can manipulate girls. And they’ll do it as often as they can get away with it. They know that a ‘girl in love’ will forgive time and time again because the girl is such an emotional cripple around him that he can say almost anything, promise anything and get forgiveness and another opportunity.

What you need to do:
Understand that you’re not going to think logically about this. Your emotions will dictate your responses every time the guy comes around and that’s not a good thing. You’ve got to step back a minute and look at this logically. Put your emotions in check. Realize that you’re being used, being played and being kept at a disadvantage in this relationship.

You need to cut yourself off from this guy. No more contact. Hang out with friends your own age and stop being such a doormat for this guy.

Grow up, stay single and learn about yourself before you share yourself with another, any, guy. Give yourself at least the next 12 months off from dating or any serious involvements.

You wanted advice? You’ve got it.
And for goodness sakes talk to your parents about your life.
Letting crap like this happen to you then needing advice from a stranger online can’t have been your only option here. I’m glad to be able to offer you advice but you’ve got to talk this out with someone closer to you (just not him!).
Best wishes,
Rob.

How Do I Get Her To Go Out With Me?

Dear Rob,
I am 18 years old and have recently moved house with my parents (about 11 weeks).

I have been hanging around with my cousin and making new friends through him and the circle kept growing until I met a girl of the same age who I have a crush on and now I see quite regularly as she is also close friends with my cousin.

We text and chat a lot but it always seems too ‘friendly’. But occasionally she will text me if we haven’t seen each other in a while just saying “Haven’t heard from you in ages lovely……..hope your ok…….haven’t seen you in like years” but when we talk it never seems a serious conversation. it will always end up joking about really random stuff and text laughing (hahahahaha).

We have a lot in common and laugh about the same things and I am always showing her that I care for her but I feel like she either hasn’t noticed or she has and is hiding it – I’m finding it really hard to work her out and I don’t want to leave it too long before I tell her I like her because I know that there are other guys interested in her too.

Please can you help me? I’m in a pickle?
Much appreciated Bob

Hi Bob,

She’s patiently waiting for you to make the first move. Really.
It takes a girl about three nanoseconds to decide if you’re worth the effort… clearly you are and she’s giving you all kinds of chances to ask her… so make the effort!

Stop playing the “let’s be friends” game while she is clearly interested in more otherwise her attentions will be turned to another guy because you haven’t “made a move”.

So, the next time you see her you say to her:
“Hey, let’s go out, just the two of us. You can take me on a date where ever you like. But I’m not a cheap date so make it a nice place!”

And stop constantly being available to her. You’ll become too much of a friend and not enough boyfriend material. No more instant replies, no more being always available… until you get that first date.

Don’t turn all wussy on her (or me). Be The Man that she wants to date. Add some cockiness and some mystery to your behavior and you’ll be fine. You’ll get the girl!
Best Wishes,
Rob.