I absolutley love your website and now that I have gotten myself into a confusing situation I thought I could most definately use your advice.
Well I met a guy about a year ago and we started dating after a while within a couple months I knew I was head over heals in love.
Which is completely out of my charactar, I don’t fall easy, I don’t give in easy.
Anyways I broke up with him after discovering that he was talking to another girl he says no cheating occured but I will never know exactly what happen.
After being without him for a while I started to miss him terribly and I have tried cutting off contact but it feels impossible.
We talked and he doesn’t want to get back together because he says love came to quick for him and he doesn’t want to get hurt or hurt me. I do not know whether that is the coward way of telling me he doesn’t want to be with me or if that is true. I don’t understand…
He texts saying he misses me, I can’t go more than 3 days without recieving some sort of text or phone call so I know I’m on his mind… Could this be a case of him wanting what he can’t have? Could it be a game?
As soon as I have my mind set on moving on and not speaking to him he does something that ruins my intentions. He talks about getting together later on but I don’t understand why not now.
And now I have become the ex girlfriend that sleeps with her ex which I DESPISE I never wanted to be a friends with benefits, I don’t need that but I can’t seem to make that clear.
I know most people would say hes using me or I have become his “booty call” and all that noise, but it just doesn’t feel that way; he’s my bestfriend when we’re together we laugh non stop, and even though we are broken up it doesn’t feel any different.
I thought that maybe if I stop sleeping with him and ignore him he will want me back since you always seem to want what you can’t have, and that maybe I need to give him time to miss me.
After all absence makes the heart grow fonder. But I haven’t been able to do so. What should I do? And from your perspective what is his agenda? Thankyou for listening, and for your advice…
There are two things in your future:
1. You stop sleeping with him, and since you’re really not in an emotional or romantic relationship, that’s the last you will see of him
2. He will keep you FWB’ing him until someone with more potential comes along.
You can NEVER jumpstart an old relationship with sex. Doesn’t happen, never did, never will.
“He talk about getting together later on” is code for “what you have right now doesn’t count but maybe in the future, if I really run out of options, or lose my job and need you to support me, then we can start telling people we’re ‘hanging out together'” which, of course, none of your friends know about your secret, right?
The only thing absence will give you here, honey, is the opportunity to turn your life around, and fast. And you’re life doesn’t involves him, not on this planet, not this world.
You want to test him? Tell him you want a summer wedding and a honeymoon in France “when the time is right”.
The next sentence you hear from him will be “I don’t think we’re there yet” or some other nonsense.
– Tell him to leave, immediately.
– Pack up whatever stuff he left behind, throw it all in a box or garbage bag. Leave him a voice mail that all his stuff is on the curb, waiting for him, “And that is the last time I want your shadow on my part of the city!”
Of course I could be wrong, but my track record so far has been quite good.