Tag Archives: girlfriend

Please Help Me With The Girl I Like

Dear Rob,
I’ve been looking aimlessly for help and recently I stumbled upon your site and I really like the advice you give so I was hoping to come to you in seek of personal advice.

You see me and this girl both in high school (both 16) go to the same school but never talked to each or had any contact ever.

About a month ago I found out form a friend that she thought I was really cute and when my friend told her that I’d be interested she was beyond overwhelmed.

The thing that got me the most is that she is by far the most beautiful girl in our grade of and perhaps the most prettiest in the school. She is really popular and she mostly hangs out with older kids.

However myself, well I’m just an average person nothing special or popular or anything like that and for someone like her to notice me is just absurd.

But anyways, my friend gave her my number, screen name and all that and told her I’d contact her which I did and we started to talk casually and it was really great.

She talked to my friend and told her friend that she was thinking of going out with me which confused me because we only talked for about a week but I still continued on.

Things were absolutely perfect and we were planning on seeing each other since we never even spoke one word in person to each other. The first time we made contact was the day after we first talked when I said a casual hello and she waved with a large smile. We then talked again online and we agreed to hangout sometime during the break which was soon approaching.

As we talked for the two weeks before break she began to stop talking in middle of our conversation.

I found it out from her friend that she loves to play hard to get and does this to every guy. I figured I’d have to play back only I did not know how so my friends gave me advice.

Well she was beginning to be cold and things looked confusing until I asked her to hangout and she did not answer. Then late that night she texted me with smiley faces and exclamation point saying hey, however I did not reply.

I instead talked to her the next day and never spoke of what happened that night. We then talked again about hanging out before the breeak and when I asked she did not reply again. I waited for 20 minutes and then said well I guess you don’t want to be bothered. She quickly replied saying I’m sorry I didn’t see your instant message but I’d love to hangout.

So we set a day for the break and I was beyond excited.

As the day approached I tried to contact her but it was to no avail. Instead I contacted her friend who was also joining us along with my friend so we could all be comfortable.

Her friend said that she couldn’t anymore because she wasn’t going to be around. I was baffled because we made the plans one week in advance and she never even bothered to tell me that she couldn’t hang out anymore.

I decided to not talk to her and just forget about it until she contacted me two days after apologizing and saying that she would be free to do something the next day if I was still willing. Of course I said ok and things were perfect until this time her friend couldn’t come because she had practice for her team. She told me it was ok and that we would find another time.

Later that night my friends tried to surprise me by taking me out to see her so I called her to see what she was doing and she said that she was with another one of her friends and that she would call me back as soon as she got ready.

So my friends and I drove around waiting until we called her friend who said that she must have fell asleep because she was tired and went home.

I later found out this was a lie and that she really went to some other kid’s house. The next day her friend said that she talked to her and she said to her that “I text her almost everyday and she isn’t that type of girl who likes to be bothered all the time”.

I really was confused because just two weeks earlier she was going crazy for me and all into me and she always thought I was cute and wanted to hangout with me even saying she was thinking of starting a relationship with me.

Now all of a sudden she just changed? How? Why?

I am so confused because I was so sweet to her and although I did text/instant message her almost everyday we still were fine.

School has started once again and since that day we haven’t talked, its been about two weeks now I just don’t know what to do.

It is vey hard for me to move on and I really am open to anything to get her back, I just don’t want to waste this chance I had at an amazing girl please help me!

How could I mess up such a big opportunity when I was so nice and sweet to her.

What could I have possibly done wrong and can I turn it all around?

I’m very sorry that this is long, I just need help hopefully you can do that for me. thank-you for your time..
– Lost Without a Clue

Hi Lost without a clue,
I feel your pain but what you are experiencing is a normal part of growing up.

Boy likes girl,
boy talks with girl,
girl suddenly ignores boy,
boy can’t figure out what went wrong and gets depressed.

The main problem is that guys and girls, under 21, maybe even older, have a real lack of communication skills.

It’s easy to chat online, send smileys and all that, but nothing important and interesting is ever said. There is no real communication because you haven’t been taught what to say.
And when face-to-face time is available, both guy and girl don’t know what to say, what the next step is, so they play shy and rely on the other to say something like “Let’s hang out” which is a basic promise that isn’t followed up because it starts the whole “Dating thing” cycle, which can lead to a breakup, which also leads to heartache and who wants to go there?

So, the guy likes the girl, the girl likes the guy and the relationship is stalemated because no one wants to take the next step and have to worry about rejection and breakup. Or what friends might say and all kinds of nervous things like that.

If you’ve been able to follow along, this means that you didn’t mess up, you haven’t lost a great opportunity because it never really existed!

You were being played but not in a bad way, this just happened because there are no rules to follow for young people to just “hang out” and try to “date each other” and understand what is going on.

So, because these are unwritten rules, they are instinctive, not verbal, I will give it my best shot to provide a guideline that will get her back for you.

1. Communication

If you have something positive to say, then say it. Don’t chat online by sending smileys, that really isn’t communicating, is it? If you have to IM her, tell her what you’re doing right now, tell her what you have planned tomorrow and ask her to meet up with you, then end the IM.

Sending smileys and silly IM notes is really just an empty, awkward pause in a conversation and get’s boring really fast, so just don’t do it.

The main reason teens don’t date is because they don’t know what to say, although they know what type of response they’d like.

Heartache and heartbreak is very real at this age (well, really at any age) but the nervousness of being ignored or rejected can be overcome by communicating with the girl you like.

2. Hanging out

One of the hardest part of liking a beautiful, popular girl (and even the shy ones for the most part) is planning a time to spend together, to hang out, where there won’t be any awkwardness.

To avoid this awkwardness you nee to “have a plan” that when you meet up with her, you have something to do with her. And I’m not talking about anything sexual, just something to do together, like window shopping, talking about vacations, places you’d like top see, the career you want to do, not too heavy but fun, interesting talks together. Walk in a local park, go to a local museum, head to the library and check out some books… get the point? Hanging out with her doesn’t need to cost any money but it must involve the two of you, of the two of you and some friends, actually doing something.

3. Sharing each other’s company

You like her, she likes you, and you know this because of you asking her friends whether she likes you and so this game begins. But, and this is a biggie, if you act on the info from her friends at this point you must, directly, ask her to hang out with you at a certain time, a certain place.

If you both are too shy to plan actual time together, whether alone or with friends, too shy to talk about things without awkward pauses, then you need to remember, you are sharing time together.

It’s very likely you are sharing the same feelings for each other too, but cannot overcome time, space, and the mass confusion of life that surrounds you to easily overcome this awkward pause of life and get together.

So you need to say to her (NOT I like you) I want to hang out with you at “this place” on “this time”.

Have a plan to share time together, make the effort, don’t just roll along like a tumbleweed, waiting for someone else make the magic happen between the two of you.

4. Understanding the very real chance that getting together might involve breaking up at some point too

Hanging out, spending time together, is all very good and real. But, at a young age it’s easy to make future plans with the one you like that aren’t really going to happen. You are always on the verge of the awkwardness happening and a break in sharing, a break in communication, then it happens, she doesn’t like you any more and you find yourself in a break-up. Getting together, spending time together, is great. But don’t plan for the long away future with her because then she knows that you’re really just a wussy and she can control you and she wants a guy that’s great too and she ends things with you because you want her more than she wants you and you’re just dragging her down and you talk about nothing and when you say you love her it’s just because she’s popular or great looking but doesn’t involve the real, inner her, and she senses this and dumps you.

Out of these 4 sections we can boil everything down to:

Don’t be a wussy;

Talk with her and when the talking is done, well stop talking. End the IM, hang up the phone, stop texting her, etc;

Have a plan;

Share time at first, share feelings after the real connection is made;

Be nice toward her but be calm and cool too, understand that women like guys that seem to have everything under control, not nerds or jerks.

There are a lot of places to find more info like this and I suggest: www.doubleyourdating.com

This will give you a heads up, even if you don’t buy the ebook but just read the weekly newsletters.

So, now you know what to do and handle this situation with the girl you like.
Best wishes,
Rob.

I Dated A Frog

Dear Rob,
Ok here it goes.

I have known and worked with this man for 13 years.

He is married. We were friends and have this huge connection.

Over the years he has expressed feelings for me and I to him but I have made it clear that we cant be lovers until he leaves his wife.

He accepted that, but said he was afraid.

He is 51 and I am 36.

e loves women, flirts madly all the time with all women.

They seem to make him feel good about himself.

He never flirts with me. Just when we are out of the work context on a staff night out, he ignores them all and comes for me.

I kept turning him down.

This guy is a pretty straight talker and others see the cracks in his marriage, but I had a father who cheated on my mother, so find it hard to trust without evidence or actions.

Anyway, this went on and on, us acting like colleagues, then this conversation happens on nights out.

Until last year.

Last year, I accused him of ignoring me on a night out. He went berserk, said it was always his fault, would not talk to me for months.

Then we had another night out and we were ok, but out of the blue he started to run down how I looked. His eyes were black.
I asked him why he said it, when he knew I loved him and he told me to say that to him in work, once and for all, sober.

I didn’t cause he had hurt me and being honest, I don’t show emotion, I am terrified of being close to anyone and I suppose the truth was, I just pretended nothing happened.

About a week afterwards, he came into my office and made small talk, made a big attempt to look upset, then as I left he said ‘is that it then?’ After that he ignored me, shunned me etc.
We parted due to work for three months. Just beforehand I rang him to say take it ok over summer, because I love him.

He was ok but distant and sounded a little upset..but basically cold.

We met up again recently, working together, I made an effort, he was cautious which was to be expected, but generally we got on better than we have done in years.

Then during the week I got dressed up for a meeting, not sexy now, jumper and stuff, but I usually down myself and he would not look at me.

I mean, he tried to ignore me and when I forced the issue he actually turned away from me.

The next day I passed him and he looked at me, then ignored me and started chatting up this foreign girl..I mean big time.

I showed I was upset but accepted he probably has moved on.

Made no inroads on him. Now he runs away from me when he sees me.

What is going on?

The last detail is that he accused me of worrying too much what people thought the night he insulted how I looked.

The day before I dressed for meeting, he came into the lunch room, saw me, sat next to me but ran off.

So I thought he would feel awkward if I stayed so I left. After that he seemed hurt and nasty.
Thanks,
Diana

Hi Diana,
You’ve invested too much of yourself into this married man.

You tell me that you’ve been stung by a cheater because of what your dad did to your mother but you’re doing exactly what you said you don’t want to do!

Just because there hasn’t been any sex doesn’t mean you’re not cheating in your heart, in your fantasies.

Move on from him, I’d think you’d see past his little mind games and be able to maturely move on with your life.

If you were my sister I’d be writing online profiles for you to post of yourself on some online dating services.

Seriously, you need to move on from this stage of your life.

You have a big heart but refuse to love only what you deny yourself. That isn’t healthy or wise.

Please find a place in your heart to offer yourself to a better suited man in your life.
The next step is yours.
Best Wishes,
Rob.

Girlfriend Insecurities

Hi Rob,
I’ve tried asking you before, so I’ll try again, if that’s O.K. with you.

I’ve known this girl for 6 years, but has been seeing/dating for 8 months now. I love her, and she loves me. The problem is that I’m really insecure and is confused in what to do. She also has an ex-boyfriend who she’s still interacting with. Sometimes she seems to spend more time with him than she does with me. And I also think the ex-boyfriend is falling back in love with her. So soon he’ll try to seduce her, if he’s not trying already.

At the same time, she has a lot of male friends and hangs out with them too. I’m more confident about these male “toys” she refers them to, but all these guys really like her too and want to date her as well. (Amongst other things.) She also toys with them into making them want her but to have the “Look, but don’t touch” thing going on. I one day fear that I’ll one day become a “toy” to her too.

I’m really confused about this situation, and any smart guy would just look into this situation and say “Break up with her”. But all these things happened during our relationship and I’m still very much in love with her. I keep fearing she’ll leave me for her ex again, or one of her boy toys.

My insecurities keep eating up my insides, we’re fighting more, and it has almost led to us breaking up many times. I even considered spying on her and I hate what I’ve become. I just want a healthy relationship with the woman I love and to be confident that she won’t cheat on me. Can you help me be more confident about myself?
Thank you,
J.J.

Hi J.J.,
She’s testing the waters, expressing her freedom.
And the more you complain about it, the more you fight about it, the more you lose her.

I bet that if you keep this up she dumps you in less than two months.

Make friends with her friends. Bury your insecurities.
And start enjoying the fact that you’re not her only friend so that you can have a life too, outside of your relationship.

Really, being such a wuss, such a complainer and so insecure will certainly drive her away.

Lighten up. Remember, she’s dating you, not any of those other guys.
Best wishes,
Rob.

My Cheating Fantasy

Dear Rob,
Ok here it goes.

I have known and worked with this man for 13 years.

He is married. We were friends and have this huge connection.

Over the years he has expressed feelings for me and I to him but I have made it clear that we cant be lovers until he leaves his wife.

He accepted that, but said he was afraid.

He is 51 and I am 36.

e loves women, flirts madly all the time with all women.

They seem to make him feel good about himself.

He never flirts with me. Just when we are out of the work context on a staff night out, he ignores them all and comes for me.

I kept turning him down.

This guy is a pretty straight talker and others see the cracks in his marriage, but I had a father who cheated on my mother, so find it hard to trust without evidence or actions.

Anyway, this went on and on, us acting like colleagues, then this conversation happens on nights out.

Until last year.

Last year, I accused him of ignoring me on a night out. He went berserk, said it was always his fault, would not talk to me for months.

Then we had another night out and we were ok, but out of the blue he started to run down how I looked. His eyes were black.
I asked him why he said it, when he knew I loved him and he told me to say that to him in work, once and for all, sober.

I didn’t cause he had hurt me and being honest, I don’t show emotion, I am terrified of being close to anyone and I suppose the truth was, I just pretended nothing happened.

About a week afterwards, he came into my office and made small talk, made a big attempt to look upset, then as I left he said ‘is that it then?’ After that he ignored me, shunned me etc.
We parted due to work for three months. Just beforehand I rang him to say take it ok over summer, because I love him.

He was ok but distant and sounded a little upset..but basically cold.

We met up again recently, working together, I made an effort, he was cautious which was to be expected, but generally we got on better than we have done in years.

Then during the week I got dressed up for a meeting, not sexy now, jumper and stuff, but I usually down myself and he would not look at me.

I mean, he tried to ignore me and when I forced the issue he actually turned away from me.

The next day I passed him and he looked at me, then ignored me and started chatting up this foreign girl..I mean big time.

I showed I was upset but accepted he probably has moved on.

Made no inroads on him. Now he runs away from me when he sees me.

What is going on?

The last detail is that he accused me of worrying too much what people thought the night he insulted how I looked.

The day before I dressed for meeting, he came into the lunch room, saw me, sat next to me but ran off.

So I thought he would feel awkward if I stayed so I left. After that he seemed hurt and nasty.
Thanks,
Diana

Hi Diana,
You’ve invested too much of yourself into this married man.

You tell me that you’ve been stung by a cheater because of what your dad did to your mother but you’re doing exactly what you said you don’t want to do!

Just because there hasn’t been any sex doesn’t mean you’re not cheating in your heart, in your fantasies.

Move on from him, I’d think you’d see past his little mind games and be able to maturely move on with your life.

If you were my sister I’d be writing online profiles for you to post of yourself on some online dating services.

Seriously, you need to move on from this stage of your life.

You have a big heart but refuse to love only what you deny yourself. That isn’t healthy or wise.

Please find a place in your heart to offer yourself to a better suited man in your life.
The next step is yours.
Best Wishes,
Rob.