I found your email on the advicegeneral.com website and really like the way you give advice to so many women. Is it possible that you can offer me your advice as well? If so, this is my situation:
I’ve been seeing this guy for 5 months now, but started to sleep with him around the 2nd-3rd month. I then asked him what we were and he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship so we’re practically fwb (friends with benefits). I continued to see him (with the sex), but after a month I started to feel weird and told him that I couldn’t do the fwb thing unless we were in a relationship. He said he was ok with being friends with no sex and still wanted to keep in touch.
But after a few days, he called and we ended up hooking up again. But lately he’s been acting really sweet to me, bringing me homecooked meals and acting well-mannered towards me (helped me shop for school supplies, I’m 32 and in college). But he still only contacts me every 2-3 days and we usually end up having sex after eating dinner or hanging out (lately I’ve been buying dinner since he’s very short on money). But last night, I called him and asked to go see him. We hung out at his friend’s house and then afterwards, he said he had to go home because he had to wake up early to work with his dad. This time, he didn’t ask me for any kind of sex.
After a few days, feeling confused again, I hung out with him and told him that I really can’t sleep with him unless we were in a relationship, and then he agreed that we shouldn’t sleep together because he said he didn’t want me to get too attached. He also said that he really can’t have a relationship because he still needs to straighten out his life (he’s 22, out of work, dragging along in college and lives in a 2-bedroom house with his dad and 7 siblings).
But then later on that night, we ended up in bed again. I feel bad now. But I really don’t know how he feels about me. It’s as if he cares but doesn’t.
I don’t even know if he really considers me as a friend. Does this mean he likes me for more than a fwb? Please help. I like this guy alot! I also feel so empty now. I’ve tried to ignore him, but it’s too hard because I really like him and treasure our friendship that we’ve built (at least from my perspective).
Thank you. I hope you can help me with this situation. Your advice is so greatly appreciated!
It’s time to break things off, now!
He has said numerous times that he doesn’t want a girlfriend (or at least you as a girlfriend) and that he just wants sex.
Enticements of food and other goodies just makes it easier for him to have sex with you, he’s less guilty and get what he wants.
You get nothing, really.
Break it off and work on your self-esteem and read books to have a better understanding of men.
You can move to a better, more positive place, but only of you’re out of the place you’re in now!