Tag Archives: is he using me for sex

How And Why To Drop A Player

Dear Rob,
I have an issue with a past relationship gone wrong and don’t know what to do about it.

Anyway, my story starts when about half a year ago I met a really cute guy who I’ll call “CG”.

We go to different highschools so one day, I went on his bus because my friend and I were going shopping around where he lives.

As soon as I got on the bus I caught his eye and thought he was cute but told myself that I would never be able to get him. He was sitting with his ex-girlfriend and they were listening to his ipod, and because he put it really loud I could hear the song.

At the time I was absolutely in love with that song so I had put it on my phone as my ringtone, and I played it really loud making sure that he would be able to hear it.

He turned around and asked me about the song and then he introduced himself to me.

Then my friend and I arrived at our destination so we got off the bus, and I didn’t turn back to look at him, thinking that I wouldn’t ever talk to him again.

But then, later on that night I went on Facebook and he had added me as a friend, even though I had never told him my name.

We started talking and he told me that he asked around to find out my name. He ended up asking me for my MSN, so I gave it to him and we started chatting with each other online.

The first time we started talking, he was very flirtatious and I could tell he was interested in me.

He always complimented me, saying very cheesy but cute things, and naturally I kind of started to like him too. So then he asked if we could meet up sometime that weekend, and I told him maybe.

Then that Saturday he texted me and asked me if he could go over, but I told him I was busy (I was playing hard-to-get). So then the next day he texted me again and told me that he was in the area that I lived near, so I told him that I’d meet him.

That day was the first day we actually really talked to each other face to face after talking to each other for about a week on MSN. He was adorable and I couldn’t keep my eyes off’ him. Then he told me that he had written a song for me.

He played it for me on his ipod and told me that he wrote the lyrics and gave it to his friend and his friend was the one who did the vocals and instrumentals.

After that I absolutely adored him. I mean, we had only met once and he had already written a song for me!

Anyway, we were having a great time walking around, getting to know each other, and then it was late afternoon and we decided to go back to my place.

That’s when we started to “get to know each other” better.

I had gone further with him than I had with any other guy, and I didn’t know why, I just felt some sort of attraction to him.

Then after having spent the entire day with him we continued to see each other for about a week, and he was such a sweetheart to me, no other guy had ever treated me that way before. I thought I had met my match, but then about a week into our “thing”, he started to pull away.

I figured it was because I was coming on too strong so I backed off a little, allowing him to come back to me. But then he called me one night and broke things off with me, I didn’t understand why and he could tell that I started crying a little, but then I don’t know how but he started crying too.

He had told me that he didn’t want to start anything with me since summer holidays were coming closer. I was really upset and he could tell, but then to my surprise he seemed like he was about to cry a river.

He was bawling his eyes out on the phone and I was so stunned I couldn’t say anything. That’s when we just left things as they were. Then about 2 weeks of not talking to each other, I was still hung up on him and there was a Spring Fair at my school so I called him and asked if he could come to the Spring Fair and we could talk.

We talked to each other and then he told me to wait for him till after the summer holidays, and the next school year wouldn’t start till another 4 months.

So stupidly enough I never let go of him. Everyone that knew about him told me to stay away from him as he was known to be a “player”.

I didn’t listen though. I thought he was different, he had always told me that he had never liked a girl as fast as he had liked me before.

So obviously I listened to him. Anyway, during those 4 months I had seen him once out with a load of friends and at that time I still really really liked him and never forgot about him, and he popped up out of nowhere and said hi to me.

I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do so I freaked out and my friends really didn’t like him because he made me an absolute mess over those couple of weeks. So they told me to be a complete utter bitch to him.

And I didn’t know what to do because on one hand I still really liked him, but on the other I also really wanted to let go of him. Then later on I saw him again on the dance floor and he started poking me and tickling me, being all flirtatious, and I didn’t want to get involved with him again so I turned around and walked away.

Then I saw a guy that I had previously hooked up with before so I grabbed him and started hooking up with him right where CG would be able to see us. I could see that he got incredibly jealous, so I walked out of the club to see if he would follow me, and of course his whole group of friends followed right after me.

We started talking and I was a complete utter bitch to him for some odd reason, and I could tell he didn’t like it because he was giving me attitude as well.

Anyway, that was one of the last times I had seen him over the summer. Then, near the end of the summer I had mostly forgotten about him and I was glad I did since he had messed me up. But then conveniently, one day we started talking again on MSN and we caught up with each other and our summers.
After about 2 hours of talking to him on MSN he asked for Skype, and we ended up talking for 8 hours in total without interruption. He was being really sweet again and complimented me the entire time.

Obviously, after that I was desperate to see him again, despite the fact he was the wrong guy for me.

So then by the end of the summer, he came back from his holidays and he had asked me if I wanted to hang out any time soon. So one day I went into the city with my friend and she had to leave so I decided to take that opportunity to hang out with him.

We met up after about 3 months of not seeing each other and we had a great time. But of course, he decided to come on to me and kiss me and I stupidly enough fell for it.

So we ended up hooking up again and I went even further than I had with him before. And I think that did it. After that he knew he had me in his hands. So he started being a bit of an asshole to me, he was never sweet and cute again, he actually became really rude.

I could tell he didn’t like me anymore because I saw him out one night after we hooked up and he was a complete asshole to me. He was hooking up with a girl right in front of me and made it CLEAR to me that he didn’t like me.

So then one day we were talking on MSN and asked me if I still liked him and I lied and said no. Then he told me flat out that he didn’t like me either but liked the “stuff” we did together.

So then he told me that he had a great time with me the last time we hooked up and asked me if I wanted to be friends with benefits with him. I didn’t know if I wanted to so I told him I’d think about it. But then later on I accepted thinking that if he didn’t like me then the only way of getting with him was to be friends with benefits.

All the way through this though he changed into a very different person and was never the same person I had met the first time we saw each other. Now it has been around 3 weeks ago that he asked me if I wanted to be friends with benefits with him and we haven’t met up yet.

We have seen each other at school events though, and he’s really nice in person and always flirts with me but we never did anything those times. Then about a week ago I was sitting with my friends and somehow his name came up and they started talking about that girl that he was hooking up with in front of me, and apparently he had been seeing her and they had been dating for a while.

After I heard that I was shocked but I also found it quite funny, because I knew that he used to be friends with benefits with her and people had always said that she was that one girl that he would never cheat on.

So now I’m in quite a pickle, I don’t know if I should continue on being in this relationship with him and ruin what he has with this girl, who I really really hate by the way, or I should just let him go and try to move on.

Do you think that I should let go of him and move on? And if so, how do I do this? During these 6 months of knowing him I have tried forgetting about him and building a relationship with other guys, but I can’t seem to meet anyone that treated me the same way CG had treated me.

He has hurt me and made me cry over him for a long time but for some odd reason I can’t seem to let go of him.

I know that he doesn’t like me, I know that he doesn’t want anything from me other than “benefits” and somehow that doesn’t bother me.

Because when I’m alone with him it seems like it’s 6 months all over again. He turns into that sweet guy I knew and treats me like a princess.

And I also know that if we’re JUST friends, it never works out, because we tried that and every single time we meet up we end up hooking up.

I don’t get what he wants from me. Is it just the action? Can guys actually be that heartless?

So I know that if I let go of this friends with benefits thing, we won’t be able to be friends.

It would just be one of those “hi” “how are you” kind of things. And I’m not prepared to do that.

Anyway, sorry for the long story.
Please reply 🙂
Thank you,
Lily

Hi Lily,
This guy has played you all along.

DO NOT start a friends with benefits relationship with him.

If he’s only interested in you for sex, and you allow this to happen, you’ll never forgive yourself later. Trust me, this is not the way to attract a guy, to make him love you. You become simply a body for his pleasure, to abuse when he’s in the mood, emotionless, loveless and empty.

Drop him.

Dump him hard.

Erase and block his MSN from your computer.

Erase and block him on Skype

Tell your friends that you’re not a sex toy for any man and keep to it.

Take some time being single, get your head clear, maybe in the new year you’ll be better prepared to share your life with someone again.

BUT you need to take care of yourself first.

You say you’ll never meet a guy that treated you the way he did?

Honestly, overall the only thing he’s done is play you. Despite his “cuteness” and willingness to talk all hours about things, he’s always comes back to hooking up with you. Remember that. He’s treated you like trash, something you take out once in a while, when he’s not busy with any other girls.
Best wishes,
Rob