Tag Archives: roommate advice

Getting Rid Of The Ex That’s Now A Roommate

Dear Rob,
I am having trouble getting my boyfriend of five years to leave.

I need help with what to say to him to put the fire under his butt. I told him a two weeks ago that it wasn’t working out anymore and that I think we both should move on. He has no job and no money to move out. I own the house and everything in it.

I am keeping from him the fact that I have been seeing someone else, but I do not want to hurt him anymore than I already have. I guess he was totally shocked when we had our talk.

I am not sure how when we’ve been sleeping in separate rooms for months now. We have always been more of friends. I care about him and don’t want to hurt him, but I also want him OUT!

I don’t know what to say to get things rolling. Any advice? A way to kindly tell him it would be better for both of us if he moved out ASAP? I would appreciate any help at all.
Thanks, Anon

Hi Anon,
Out means out. Tell him a definite deadline of a day or two to pack up and move out.

He moves his stuff out or you will put it all in storage. Be strong!

You said you’ve already had your ‘talk’ so saying it kindly anymore isn’t the way.

The longer you put this off the longer he gets to sponge off of you and maybe even think that you’ll get back together.

As well, once he’s gone change the phone message and change your locks.

Never, ever, try to ease into the transition of being ‘not together’ by agreeing to continue to share living space and expenses. Doing this gives the partner you have broken up with excuses and possibilities to believe that you are just going through a hard time and may change your mind and get back together after a while. Don’t give this false hope a chance to be created in your now ex boyfriend. Make the breakup as fast and complete as possible.

This situation is an all-too-common happening in today’s world. Because it’s such a usual situation to move in together, create the beginnings of a life together without the actual commitment of marriage, when the breakup occurs and besides the hurt feelings, there remains the financial dependency that was one of the reasons to move in together in the first place.

If you’ve lived together longer than a year, there also could be far-reaching financial obligations if you’ve been the main support of your partner. I always suggest that you have a contract detailing what should happen should you breakup, if marriage is not in the picture.

When the move-out is required, who stays, who becomes responsible for which bills. This can be a real messy situation which, if not planned for, could cause you grief for years.

Living together and then breaking up, should be a complete removal of one or both people from the living space. Quickly. Division of property and financial obligations can be handled over the coming month as bills come in. Just be sure to stop paying the bills you are not responsible for and see a lawyer if needed.
Best wishes,
Rob.