Tag Archives: step father

Am I Ready For This Instant Family?

Dear Rob,
My girlfriend of 4 months broke up with me and her excuse is that she needs me to grow up and start acting like an adult. Let me start from the beginning.

We met off myspace and talked from Dec 4th to Jan 3rd. Jan 4th was our first date and things got really sexual really fast in the car like teenagers.

Met at the Lowes just to “meet” and kissed and hugged each other. I had lost my car in a accident so I was borrowing a friends and couldn’t see each other like regular people and had to take what we could get.

Anyway, she invites me over to her mom’s house where she lives with her then 4 month old son. We had sex. For a month and a half it was great. Then my mom finds out she is mixed. (Half white and half black) and I’m Italian. She opposes it and yells at me. I sit and think does my girlfriend really need this unnecessary drama?

After Valentines it was easier to say this is my “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” when introduced so we just went with it and agreed.

Back to the mom thing. So, I make up this big lie to my girlfriend and say I talked to my ex-girlfriend about something VERY VERY intimate and she flips and wants to break up with me like I had planned because I wanted her to think I was the bad guy. I tell her the truth 2-3 days later after some friends say to “tell her the truth!”

We go from that then a month later she invites me over and we sit on the bed for 45 minutes without saying a word. I go to sleep with my clothes on and back turned to her. She does the same. I try to put my arm on her for 5 different times that night and she throws it off of her. I wake up for work and say F–k this stuff, I’ve had it! I get all my stuff together set it in a pile at the bottom of the bed. I wake her up to let me out and she waits by the door. I usually kiss her and all that stuff but I just said I’ll be back to pick my stuff up later today. She does a head shake and is like HUH! and surprised.

Then she asks if anything is wrong, I think I over reacted and say no. I’ll be back tonight if you want, kiss her and say the good things. She puts the clothes and my weirdness that morning together and calls me crying and what not. We go thru that and find out we need COMMUNICATION. We make a rule, if we have a big drama fest like this again it’s time to call it a day with us. A month passes and bam, in 3 weeks she changes. 2 calls a day to 1 call a day and no more I miss you’s and then stops inviting me over. We break up Monday and says ” If you grow up I will take you back. I won’t date anybody and just want you. I will miss you more then you know and you are my perfect guy. Please grow up and come back to me. Call me please”
I cry and we end it. I then ask her if she really meant it and she said yes. I say give me 2-3 months and I can do it. She says not enough time. Should I believe her or what? I don’t know if I should do what she ask or just move on.
HELP ME PLEASE!
Ready or Not

Hi Ready or Not,
You didn’t tell me your age but I can guess that you’re both under 30.

What I do know:
You met after an “online romance” went face-to-face and had sex;

She is in a highly emotional state because she has a new baby, she has a ex-boyfriend that is not in the picture anymore;

The both of you live with your mom’s, if not both parents;

You are immature in not understanding the “unique” situation she is in, with baby and all.

She does not have time to wait for you to decide to become an “instant dad”. And I don’t blame her…

This is a tough situation for all involved, both of your parents included.

My gut says, back off, you’re not ready for ALL of this responsibility. Life with this girl is a lot more that boyfriend-girlfriend issues, there is a whole family, make that three families, involved.

If you were living on your own, if you have a responsible job, a life that is moving forward, I would tell you to keep going after her.
This is not the case, is it?

You do have a decision to make:
Job, Own Place, Life with GF and adopted kid, OR
A Life of your own.

And I agree with her, you’re just not ready yet, choose your own life right now, not to be a part of hers, you’re just not ready dude!
Best wishes,
Rob.