Tag Archives: trust and relationships

Trust And First Relationships

Dear Rob,
I’m 20 y-o and I am a college student. I moved to Los Angeles over one year ago, to go to English school and then I decided to apply for college here.

While I was attending my ESL school, I met this great guy who happened to be my teacher.

He is 9 years older than.

While I was his student we started being friends and spending time together, but nothing more than just friends. Sometimes there was a little bit of flirting going on, but it was very innocent.

I’ve been very attracted to him since the very beginning. He is a very charming man, and I think I developed feelings for him just after a few months I met him. Of course I kept it for myself, since he was my teacher and the school didn’t allow teachers to date students.

When I left the school after 9 months, and went back to my country, I didn’t hear from him for a while, but then we started chatting online and I told him I had definitely take the decision to go back to the U.S. for college and I had already bought my plane ticket and got my admission.

So he asked me where I was planning on staying at the beginning, and I told him I was considering spending a few nights in a hotel and then start looking for a place of my own.

Then he told me that I could have stayed over at his place and slept on his futon, instead of paying for an hotel and i told him that would have been great since I wanted to save some money and I was actually hoping something would have happened between us.

So when I arrived to the U.S. I stayed at his place for a few nights and we talked a lot, drank a lot and smoked a lot.

We had a great time and we really got to know each other and started a pretty good friendship without all the student/teacher conditions.

Sometimes it felt like we were going in another direction than just friendship, but I wasn’t really paying attention to it, because in all honesty I thought that he was looking at me like I was just a kid.

Then I moved out of his place and started college.

As soon as I found a place of my own, I went to his place to get some stuff I had left there back.

So we started to talk and just out of nowhere, he asked me if I wanted to make out with him. I told him it was too complicated at first, but then things started anyway, because, let’s face it, I wanted that to happen since a long time!

We didn’t have sex that day, but that’s when we started this kind of … I don’t know how to define it!

Everything was going fine, until one day I decided to tell him I had actually feelings for him by text message.

He didn’t answer and played like he never got that message. We saw each other with a couple of friends a few times but we stopped all the games, until the day that he told me he was planning on leaving the country 5 days later.

We met up one night and we slept together.

I am deeply in love with the guy. I don’t know if he feels the same way. I don’t think he does, but a part of me still wonders why he went through all the trouble just for some casual sex.

He could have had it easier with someone else.

With me it was complicated since the very beginning. He has always been very caring and I know that he loves me in his way. I just don’t know if at some level he loves me in a romantic way.

Now he’s 6000 miles away and I only heard from him every 2 weeks or something. I really miss him and I am so heartbroken.

At some level, I wish nothing sexual happened between us, because we don’t have the same kind of friendship anymore since all of that started.

I trusted him more than anyone in the world. He knows some things about me that nobody else knows.

It was so easy to trust him! And we have so much in common! He was impressed by that too, since the very beginning when we first met. It was one of the reasons we started getting closer: we had too much in common to ignore it!

I don’t know if what happened meant something to him… and it’s killing me.

Hope you can tell me something about this “relationship”… because I don’t seem to understand it. not at all…

Hi ,
I think that the teacher took advantage of you, your innocence and the feelings you had for him.

Now you’re not readily available, you’re not a planned date in the future so he has now just moved past you and the relationship that you thought you were building with him.

This is hard… this is trust broken at a very deep level. He led you on and now you are on your own wondering how all this happened.

I would day “well, that’s life” but that is just unfair.

You have felt the possibilities of love and the reality of loss… I do wish you better luck in the future.

I cannot answer if he felt what you think he may have felt for you, but I do believe that he is not waiting for you and that you should move on from him.
Best wishes,
Rob.

Who’s Making Who Jealous Here?

Dear Rob,
Susan is a hot Latina and my favorite dance partner. For two years we have spent much time together in and out of the clubs. She’s great fun, sticks close, and is into me big time. Sometimes she gets jealous when I dance with other girls, but realizes I need my space. We’re tight.

The problem is that like so many popular girls, Susan’s a big flirt and craves attention from men. Normally I’m okay with this, but when guys come to our table and ignore me when asking her to dance and she never says a thing to me like, “Is it okay?” or to the guy, “Better ask Ray if it’s all right,” I get irritated.

It all came to a head last week and I unloaded on her.

When we arrived at the club she ran to the bar and flung her arms around some guy who’s been trying to get her phone number and then bounced over to another fellow and let him put his hands all over her. I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her outside and told her that she was making a fool out of me and showing me no respect, degrading herself, and more.

I really went off on her then went back into the club and found another girl to dance with the rest of the night.

Did I mess up? What should my next move be? I’d hate to lose her. She’s a good friend, the best dancer around, and I’ve become attached to her.

Possible clue: Guys are always trying to bed her but I’m convinced she’s devoted to me because she tells me (including details) whenever a guy hits on her. She sometimes tells them I’m her husband (which I’ve told her not to do) when they get too cozy with her. Do you think this attention gathering from men is to make me jealous? She says it isn’t, that she just wants to let me know what’s going on so that I don’t get any wrong ideas.
Jimmy

Hi Jimmy,
Welcome to the life of being her girlfriend.

She can tell you all kinds of personal stuff and you’ll listen, not offering her solutions (as many men do) you’re just there for her to vent.

Her devotion to you is that you’ll listen. Now then, either that talk is to make you jealous and get you to formally ask for date exclusivity, or, again, you wear a nice skirt.

The two years… and you’re not dating??
That’s a big signal of no interest from her side of this supposed relationship.

It’s really time to find someone that does want to date you and dance too.

Stop being at her beck and call.
Let her mess up some other guy’s life.
She’s a wreck!

And what wrong ideas can you get from a woman that get’s you to take her out, she hangs around with other guys all night, and when it’s time to go she get’s a ride home with you while she tells you how many guys were after her all night long.

She really is either trying to get you jealous, or she really just doesn’t care one way or the other.

Give her some space.

Avoid her calls on regular dance nights and find somewhere else to go.

Either she’ll keep looking for you or you’ve just been blown off without her having to say anything to hurt your feelings.

Again, take my advice, don’t see her for a while. She calls give her ten seconds to say whatever she wants to say and get off the phone. If she wonders where you’ve been just say “exploring”.

Let her figure that one out.
Best wishes,
Rob.