Tag Archives: when to call her

She Won’t Commit To An Exclusive Relationship

Dear Rob,
I’ve been dating this girl for the past 2 months. We have been intimate and she calls me everyday, I repeat, she’s the one that calls me everyday.

Even so, when we discuss the issue of exclusivity and taking our profiles off of match.com, she says she is not sure and wants to keep our options open to see other people.

I’m afraid that I’m turning into the weak man that all the relationship books talk about not to be. I’m trying very hard to be the alpha male with a detached attitude, but I must confess I think I’m falling for this girl and I’m becoming more confused as to why she is calling me everyday and wanting to see me and being intimate with me when she is not ready to be exclusive with me.

Her previous relationship lasted only 3 months and she was willing to be exclusive with her ex immediately from beginning but she says its different now and she is not ready to make a commitment, not yet.

Anyway and tells me to be patient with her. I realize I don’t have any options but to accept this fact but could you help me understand what things might be running through her mind in coming to this present state and feeling from her perspective? Also what I can do to truly be the alpha male I really am.
Thank you very much,
Confused

Hi Confused,
She’s dangling the carrot of a relationship in front of you, but on her terms only.

Just stop answering the phone.

After the holidays (since I assume you have time together planned already), take a break from answering the phone until you get a real commitment from her. Answer the phone every other day. Return her messages the next day.

Let her miss you a bit and see how her attitude changes. This will help you find out of she’s just “keeping time” with you until someone better comes along or if she’s ready to make an exclusive commitment to you. But I have a feeling that since she still has her hook in the pond (she won’t take her profile off of match.com) she’s not ready to “settle” for you.

Being an “alpha male” means not only being the leader of the pack but also enforcing your rules, not living by hers.
Any relationship you have should be on your terms, not hers. And if you are ready for exclusivity (which means you don’t want to have to compete for her attention with other guys) and she isn’t, then it really is time to move on. Don’t let her make all the rules, not until you’ve moved into the exclusive dating area anyways.
Best Wishes,
Rob.