Tag Archives: when to call

When The Guy Doesn’t Call

Hi Rob,
I need your advice on how I should respond and/or feel about a situation….I have been on 4 wonderful dates with a man. When I left his house on Sunday he called me about an hour later to make certain I had found my way home and said he’d call me later that evening, but never did. It is now Tuesday afternoon and I still haven’t heard anything from him. What do I make of this?
Confused

Hi Confused,
A guy almost always calls when he says he will.
Possible reasons why a call won’t call are:
– lost interest in you
– something embarrassing is happening to him that he doesn’t want to share
– he’s talked to his friends and they advised him not to call, not to look desperate
– he feels that he should wait more than 3 days to call you to make your next date

Give him two more days to call you. Then I’d call him, give him heck for not calling you when he said he did and tell him that’s not how to treat you, and for him not to do it again. Or simply say that you had a good time and you wondered what happened because he didn’t call when he said he would. Don’t be too demanding but make sure he knows to always follow-up what he says he’ll do for you. Be straightforward.

Many guys go by the rules of timing when to call after having a date. In order not to appear too needy guys should wait three or four days between calls for a date.

Remember though, it is OK to call right after the date but keep the conversation short. Make sure your date made it home OK, that she had a good time and get off the phone. Dragging out a conversation right after having the date is bad form for any guy. And call frequency increases as you date more. After four dates if interest level is kept high then you’re at the 3 call a week level even if you’re still only going on one date a week. When you start going on more than one date a week the calls can increase to every couple of days. But guys need to call when they say they’re going to call.
Best wishes,
Rob

Is This A Compatible Date?

Dear Rob,
I read some of your articles and I thought I could get some advice from you.

I me a girl through eharmony, she seemed to be a decent and smart girl also very hot. We went out on date on Saturday, we were having a good time (or at least so I think). While leaving I asked her if we could go out again and she said sure.

I called her on Monday night, since she told me she was busy Sunday, to thank her for the good evening we had. I wanted to see her again so I called her on Wednesday and left her a message. She didn’t call me back. I called her again on Saturday night and left a message on her voicemail but I didn’t get a call back. I called again on Sunday night and got her on the phone. She said she was a bit sick, etc., and was going to watch a movie at home. She said she will call me the next day, on Monday . But its been two weeks and no call from her.

I haven’t called her back since. Could you explain what is going on with her and what should be my next step, attitude and strategy, cause I think she is worth the wait.
Thanks,
R.

Hi R.,
I’d have to think that she’s blowing you off. No matter what she told you the date didn’t go that well.

You had a first date on a Saturday night (mistake number one) and you didn’t wait to call her as you should have. Instead you called her four times in the week after your date (multiple mistakes here!). Each call probably sounding more and more desperate, more needy. No matter how confident you may have seemed on your first date, all the calls showed how out of control you are when playing in the dating game.
You may feel that she’s worth the wait, but do you know what that means? Worth the wait means waiting for her to move closer to you, as in a long distance relationship. Or waiting for her to get over some personal issues while staying in touch with her. Saying she’s worth the wait while you’re sitting by your phone waiting for her call isn’t waiting, it’s stupidity.

If you don’t believe me, then in a week from now call her up and ask her out for a simple coffee date. If she agrees to meet you, then start over. If she blows you off again, forget her. She’s not as compatible as you were led to believe.
You’ve got your eharmony membership, use it again. She just wasn’t your compatible date, that’s for sure.
Next time don’t invest so much into your first date.

The rule for first time meetings from an online dating service is a short date on a weekday afternoon or early evening. Or maybe Saturday afternoon but never a weekend evening. Take an hour to be together, to talk. No alcohol, no movies, no involved dinners. End this first meeting after an hour and tell her you’ll call later to see if she arrived home OK. Keep this conversation short. Now is not the time to start long phone conversations. Call her the next Tuesday or Wednesday asking her out for Friday or Saturday night. Then have a nice dinner and plan something the two of you can do together. Again, no movies. Your first couple of dates should be interactive. Museums, art galleries, bowling, even shopping.

Stick to the rules and you’ll be more confidant, your self-assurance will shine and you’ll stop wasting time waiting for the ladies to call.
Best wishes,
Rob.