I’m often asked how someone can improve their online dating success.
How they can get more responses to their profile.
Why that, even though they’ve tried more than a few online services over the past couple of months, they aren’t getting any face-to-face dates.
Why the only replies they’re getting is from foreign women (or men) that end up asking for money.
And why the people that do send a reply to a message that they send is often a polite (sometimes not so nice) “Sorry, you’re not my type” answer.
When I ask to see the profile they currently have online I oftentimes see:
Or a picture that is dark, grainy, poorly lit;
A photo that includes other people, pets, or weird circumstances.
When the profile asks you to write about yourself I find short impersonal sentences about themselves in the profile space provided;
Or corny standard lines that seem to come from a 1940’s movie;
Or almost nothing at all written to describe themselves that someone reading the profile would be interested in finding out more.
Where profile space is provided to describe their likes and dislikes so many things are talked about negatively that the person seems to be cranky, unfriendly, unadventurous, unromantic and complaining.
When asked to describe the type of person they want to meet, either through checkbox selections or a couple of written paragraphs, the ideal person is a fantasy person, not a flesh and blood person that also would want to meet you. Options are so limited in the type of person they are searching for that almost no one could read it and think themselves suitable to contact.
Have you seen yourself in the above?
Are you critical enough about yourselves that you can review your current online dating profile and see how it looks to visitors to your page?
Sure you are. But first read the tips I have for you, starting with “The Best Online Dating Tip of the World” is:
That’s right, smile. Take a look at the photo you have on your profile right now and if it’s a smiling shot of your face (head and shoulders only) that’s well lit, no weird shadows under your eyes, ears and nose, then fabulous. We’ll have other areas to work on.
But if your photo isn’t a head and shoulders picture, if you’re not smiling, if it’s badly lit with shadows across your face then it’s time to get a new picture. Right? Right!
Do it right now. Or have a friend take a better picture of you soon and get it online pronto!
And keep in mind, most online dating services offer the capability of more than one photo, maybe a photo gallery, adding a video and voice message. Be sure to take advantage of these extra features where offered. But keep them simple, focused on yourself, and of course, smile!
Now, let’s talk about how you talk about yourself.
Hi, Thanks for visiting with me. I’m a (man/woman) that has experienced a variety of outdoor activities such as camping, traveling, hikes and just plain old walking around where I live. I’m the type that enjoys challenges (non-life threatening of course!) as well as times that allow me to really unwind, relax and enjoy someone’s company.
I’m not a complainer, you’ll always enjoy conversations with me and see that I’m an understanding person, if you are too. Don’t bring me down!
I’m looking for someone that can share the challenges of life, leisure time and understands how to move forward with life, not backwards.
If you’re that person, let’s connect. I look forward to your message.
Or maybe you’re more like this:
Hi, you’ve found me! And maybe I’ll be able to find you too!
I’m a (man/woman) that likes the “little bit me/ little bit you” life. I enjoy indoor activities, working out at the gym, hanging out at home unwinding watching TV after a day of work. I don’t go out to movies a lot, I prefer to be at home, glass of wine in my hand, watching the latest releases.
Cooking is a friend to me and no one complains about my homemade pasta!
I like daytime activities such as shopping, visiting local places of interest and visiting with friends. In the night I can usually be persuaded to hit a club or a nice dinner out, as long as my PVR is working. Haha.
I share, not the bad parts of life, but have the fun joy of sharing company with someone that can appreciate the good in life, that doesn’t rant about the bad.
If this is you, I am looking forward to your first message.
Now then, how do those two examples compare to your own profile introduction?
A lot better, right?
I thought so.
It’s all in the way you open up to bare the bright parts of your personality. You have to create some interest in the things you do by explaining, lightly, where you find joy in your own life.
Negativity is not allowed. Ever. Never.
About your likes and dislikes section, or the part where you describe the ideal person you want to meet in your profile.
Keep it simple, interesting and try to not limit yourself overly in who/what you are looking for.
I’m not going to tell you not to be too specific if you want to be but keep this in mind: most people do not see themselves as you will see them. And you’ll never meet them if you are seemingly excluding them in the first place. And if you do meet them, whether through traded messages or in a first/coffee date, if they are not your type they may know a friend that is.
So keep your likes and dislikes simple.
Generally speaking, of course.
Now: Go Date!