The Pastor’s Daughter’s Dating Life

Dear Rob,
Ok I feel kinda silly doing this but I have no other choice.

I am 20 years old and for some odd and weird reason I have fallen for a younger guy, (he will turn 18 in Nov.) that goes to my church. I am the pastor’s daughter.

Now, I’m not sure if it’s his age, past, or because I’m the pastor’s daughter but he has me so confused. We’ve spent a whole lot of time together since April and our friendship has grown. We haven’t been on any dates, the only time we have been able to talk is at church and we do write to each other constantly.

I started liking him first and then I could tell that he liked me too. He finally told me he likes me and our friendship or relationship… whatever you can call it has been great for the most part. We have had some misunderstandings but we’ve gone past them mostly because I was the one to bring them up. He has clearly told me that I have “control of the deck” I am always leading the conversations and he pretty much just goes from there… he doesn’t open up to me at all even though I’ve made the effort to open up to him. His age doesn’t bother me but his actions do.

He and I are really compatible. We get along so great. I do know that his past bothers him a lot and he has told me that I would be “disappointed”. He has expressed how he feels at times but that’s pretty much it. I do let him know that I am here for him.

We talk as much as we can and I know he does like me a lot. He seems distant many times but always does something to let me know he wants to talk to me or be around me, he flirts with me a lot too. I’m crazy for this guy so what I want to know is if he really does like me for who I am. He never compliments me and ever since he told me he likes me he hasn’t really mentioned it again. I just think he is afraid to do or say the wrong things so he just chooses not to say anything to hurt me. I also don’t want to take advantage of him and his situation. I don’t want him to think that since I’m there for him that he has to like me, I want him to like me for me and not because he feels obligated to. Can you give me any advice on this situation?? If you need more info… trust me I can give it.
Thanx in advance,
silly 20 year old

Hi Silly,
Not only is your “friend” distant but he’s immature as far as having any type of relationship with a woman.

He is masking his need to control people by his seeming complacency in your interactions, i.e. he doesn’t lead the conversation he only agrees with what you’re talking about and continues talking along those lines.

It’s not matter of you “being there” for him. He isn’t looking for someone to lean on, he’s too into himself to be worried about other people, and how their actions relate to him.

I’d bet that he has a whole other life outside of church, one that you aren’t aware of.

He doesn’t compliment you not out of shyness but because it just doesn’t occur to him to say anything like that.

Even the pastor’s daughter deserves to have a dating life, but I don’t think this is the guy you should be seeing.
Best wishes,

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