Was It Right That I Tell The Guy I Dated That I Was Getting Back With My Ex?

Dear Rob,
My question to you is: Do guys want the truth? When to tell the truth or when to blow someone off to spare their feelings?

I have been single for 4 months after dating my boyfriend Joe of 1 year. We left on good terms and still remain friends. I recently began dating and had two dates with a nice guy named John…just dinner and a movie. I really enjoyed our date and was very excited about him asking me if he could see me again. He waiting three long days before calling. Why do guys do this anyway?

Our second date was just as pleasant. I liked him but wasn’t completely gaga over him. I felt chemistry, just not fireworks. He again didn’t call me right away…instead he called me six long days later. He said he was away on a trip and couldn’t get good cell reception. I’m not one to chase a man. If he wants to call me…he’ll find a way. During this time my ex and I began talking to my ex and this lead to us getting back together. It was time for me to let John know the truth. I thought…well, I would want to know if it were me.

I just told him that I thought he should know that I have been considering getting back with my ex and didn’t think it right to date him at the same time. Bad decision huh? Yeah, it was pretty awful. I told him the truth and later after talking to my mom and girlfriend they both said that was darn right cruel! Is this true?

Awaiting your advice!
Thank you,

PS: He took it surprisingly well. I am the one who feels bad about it after the fact. I feel stupid for telling him the truth…do guys really want to know this? Should have I just said I don’t want or can’t date you right now?

It was awful! He was dead silent for a good three minutes. I didn’t know what to say after that. We only dated two times and did not have sex together. He said he wasn’t going to call me or anything like that…maybe just one time but that would be it. He said it would be up to me to call him saying to just take care of whatever I needed to and that’s it. He said he can see me calling him in 6 months but then again there is no way of knowing what will be then. All I want to know from you is did I make the right decision to tell him this?

As for my ex…he knows nothing and don’t plan on bringing it up. I love him and care about him deeply and the time away from him made me realize just how much I love being with him. He didn’t try hard to win me back…it just happened and it was quite surprising. I often wonder if I’m meant to be with him after all and why am I afraid to commit to him fully?

Boy, I hope you can help me!

Hi Sandy,
I do feel that guy’s need to be told the truth.
About relationships, if they smell of body odor, if they are inconsiderate, the list goes on…

You did the right thing by not hanging John on a hook as a “standby date” in case things don’t work out well with your ex when you get back together.

Guy’s that wait to call you are doing the right thing.
If they call all the time they are needy, wussies, and a little too controlling for a safe, fun relationship to bloom.

Best wishes,

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