When Does Exclusivity Start?

Hi Rob,
I’m a 29 yr. old Chicago male and have an interesting situation I’m looking for advice on.

I’m a professional theatre actor and over the summer met a younger girl (23) while performing in a benefit with her. She expressed interest in me – our cast of 5 went out after rehearsals and everyone would leave but me and her. She wound up spending the night at my place twice, the first time not much happened, the second time we made out all night. She definitely initiated everything.

Once the benefit was over, she called me quite frequently – about every other night, and rarely did we talk for less than a half hour. But every time I asked her to do something, she was busy, had plans, or for whatever reason couldn’t accept. This went on for nearly a month. I knew her work schedule was erratic and she was busy, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Eventually the line went cold, and we didn’t talk nearly as much. I finally was able to get together with her twice – once to watch a movie at my place, once for lunch, but both times I got the impression that she wasn’t that interested anymore.

Recently I finally got her to come over for dinner and a bonfire in my yard. She was much more flirty and friendly towards me, and even initiated kissing me a few times later in the evening by the bonfire (she stopped me mid-sentence and just said “kiss me”).

She explained that there were other guys in the picture earlier, and that’s why she couldn’t get together with me. I asked if we were on the “same page” now, and she said she just didn’t know where things were going to go. She spent the night that night, and we went out again the following weekend – I went to see a show she was in, we went to some bars, and she again spent the night.

So where do I go from here? Do I revisit the “where do we stand” question? I still am doing a majority of the calling, and I know she has lots of guy friends she spends time with, but it seems that when I do see her now, she’s into me. Advice? Thanks
Confused in Chicago

Hi Confused,
Unfortunately, you are the prize in the fair. Fun to be with but the attraction fades when you’re not on display any more.

Where do you go from here? Enjoy yourself but don’t think for a minute that this girl isn’t a player. She’ll be around for a good time but not a long time.

Be careful about getting emotionally involved because that isn’t what she wants from you. Not yet anyways and maybe not ever.
If you’re still hanging together in a couple of months (a couple of weeks before Christmas) it’ll be time to talk about ‘exclusivity’. If only to find out whether she gets jewelry or a board game as a Christmas gift.

If you want to know quicker how things are, stop calling her and see what happens.
Best wishes,

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