Who’s Making Who Jealous Here?

Dear Rob,
Susan is a hot Latina and my favorite dance partner. For two years we have spent much time together in and out of the clubs. She’s great fun, sticks close, and is into me big time. Sometimes she gets jealous when I dance with other girls, but realizes I need my space. We’re tight.

The problem is that like so many popular girls, Susan’s a big flirt and craves attention from men. Normally I’m okay with this, but when guys come to our table and ignore me when asking her to dance and she never says a thing to me like, “Is it okay?” or to the guy, “Better ask Ray if it’s all right,” I get irritated.

It all came to a head last week and I unloaded on her.

When we arrived at the club she ran to the bar and flung her arms around some guy who’s been trying to get her phone number and then bounced over to another fellow and let him put his hands all over her. I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her outside and told her that she was making a fool out of me and showing me no respect, degrading herself, and more.

I really went off on her then went back into the club and found another girl to dance with the rest of the night.

Did I mess up? What should my next move be? I’d hate to lose her. She’s a good friend, the best dancer around, and I’ve become attached to her.

Possible clue: Guys are always trying to bed her but I’m convinced she’s devoted to me because she tells me (including details) whenever a guy hits on her. She sometimes tells them I’m her husband (which I’ve told her not to do) when they get too cozy with her. Do you think this attention gathering from men is to make me jealous? She says it isn’t, that she just wants to let me know what’s going on so that I don’t get any wrong ideas.

Hi Jimmy,
Welcome to the life of being her girlfriend.

She can tell you all kinds of personal stuff and you’ll listen, not offering her solutions (as many men do) you’re just there for her to vent.

Her devotion to you is that you’ll listen. Now then, either that talk is to make you jealous and get you to formally ask for date exclusivity, or, again, you wear a nice skirt.

The two years… and you’re not dating??
That’s a big signal of no interest from her side of this supposed relationship.

It’s really time to find someone that does want to date you and dance too.

Stop being at her beck and call.
Let her mess up some other guy’s life.
She’s a wreck!

And what wrong ideas can you get from a woman that get’s you to take her out, she hangs around with other guys all night, and when it’s time to go she get’s a ride home with you while she tells you how many guys were after her all night long.

She really is either trying to get you jealous, or she really just doesn’t care one way or the other.

Give her some space.

Avoid her calls on regular dance nights and find somewhere else to go.

Either she’ll keep looking for you or you’ve just been blown off without her having to say anything to hurt your feelings.

Again, take my advice, don’t see her for a while. She calls give her ten seconds to say whatever she wants to say and get off the phone. If she wonders where you’ve been just say “exploring”.

Let her figure that one out.
Best wishes,

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