Why You’re Not Dating The One You Love

Hi Rob,
I’m in a problem here and I need your advice badly.

I have told this amazing girl I love her right, so I told her and I asked her out all fine but she said she didn’t have feelings for me and never has. I’ve known her for around 8 years now and we know each other well.

I think she might have feelings for me now but I have asked her out again after the first time and she again said no. So back to she might have feelings for me now, I’m not sure and I can’t really tell but we have shared a drink, a chocolate bar and such we went rollerblading in a park.

She was tired and asked me to help her so I pushed her from behind right, I couldn’t tell if she was flirting or anything so I’m very confused now.

We each fell a few times and I helped her up politely, when I grabbed her hand for the help she smiled. We sat close together and talked so I’m not sure anymore and I don’t wanna ask her out again because I don’t want to put her back in to the situation she had before that.

What should I do should? Do I give up on the person I love or keep waiting. I guess this is a good time toe say that I’ve waited about 1 year because she was going out with other guys before that… I would like you help.
Thanks, Chip

Hi Chip,
Let me tell you a story:
When I was a teenager there was this girl that I loved.
I knew from friends that she liked me, but even though we hung around with the same group of friends she was always going with someone else. We even had some time together when we talked. Serious stuff. The future, the things we liked. Even secrets about our friends that others didn’t know.
These times together happened every few months for years. But, afraid of rejection and maybe the idea that I could never measure up to her old boyfriends, I never asked her out.
Never.
Even though I thought that I loved her.

Years later, a couple of months before she was to be married, she asked me why I never asked her out.
I didn’t have an answer.
After all, I thought that I loved her.
I thought that we had a special bond, a special understanding.
I thought that the time was just never perfectly right to ask her out and even though all the time we did spend together I was afraid of rejection.
I thought that I wasn’t cool enough, good looking enough and a thousand other excuses why I never actually took that first step and asked her out on a date or gave her a kiss.

Chip, you are in this place.
You are watching her date other guys, waiting for her to ‘realize’ that you are the One.
Well, let me tell you, you’re not the One unless you step up to the bat and ask her out on a real date.
A one-on-one date. No friends involved.

Now then, here are the things you have done wrong so far:
– You told her you loved her.
– You’re too afraid to actually ask her out.
– You’re too scared, too shy, to afraid to take the initiative and react like a boyfriend when you share those special close times.
– You are waiting for her to ask you for a date.

Face it, any of the above are just reasons why you’re not together.

The only way to date her is this:
– Ask her out as soon as she’s single again. Actually maybe a week or two after a breakup. But don’t wait for another guy to swoop in.
– Stop saying you love her. Sure, maybe you think that you do, but that is wussy talk. Love comes right before marriage. Horniness and raging hormones comes before asking her out. So, take control of your emotions and behave like a man, not a wussy.
– If she’s dating some other guy right now, you date some other girl. Don’t be afraid to date and certainly, stop waiting in the shadows. You never know, she might just reject you as a boyfriend because you’ve been such a wuss. By dating other girls you can show that you do have something that other girls like and this will help her to see you as boyfriend material instead of the wussy guy-friend you’ve been so far.

Chip, this is the advice you asked for. Use it.
Best wishes,
Rob.

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