How did he get over me so quickly?

Dear Rob,
Met a guy in NYC on a flight from Europe to LA… he came up to me, nice, tall, handsome. It was the most intense, most attractive I’ve ever felt with someone so soon.

Anyhow, we talked for hours and hours and I just felt like “wow, this guy is too good to be true”. Anyhow, we kissed and stuff and he got my info etc. We primarily texted the next few months, he called only 2x and I thought that was a bit strange, but I went with it. And while I was dating other guys, he was the one for me, but I played it cool. So he flew me out there in Nov… I stayed in a hotel since I wanted to send the message that there would be no sex that soon… even though all my guy friends thought it was weird.

So we had a fabulous time, the first night I crashed at his place but we didn’t “sleep together”. He’s kind of a weird guy in that everything was going great until that morning when we were going to meet his friends and sister (which was interesting), he asked if he should bring a camera and I said no. He sort of got weird, think he doesn’t like women with strong opinions. Anyhow, everything went well … meeting the friends, sister… went back to his place to play chess and watch TV and I was super tired so I wanted to take a nap. I was going to go back to my hotel room but he convinced me to nap at his place and we did and then of course, he tried again and I stopped it sort of early on again. Like really early on. I think that was it because after that he was completely “checked out”. Went to dinner, everything was okay and then when we were close to his place he told me to either go back to my hotel or go to his place and “just cuddle”… it was my choice.

Obviously he was annoyed. Annoyed that he was annoyed and cold, I hopped in a taxi and then changed my mind (like an idiot) and came back to his place with him. He immediately went to bed and was totally ignoring me… then we sort of got into it and he sat on the edge of the bed for 5min not saying a word and then calmly asked me to leave. I got dressed, left and then (AGAIN!) came back (we had a few glasses of wine, but still)… ugh. He didn’t walk me out and the next time I came back he was in the lobby… I was so NOT MYSELF in that I probably looked so pathetic. Anyhow, he asked me if I was drunk and that I was acting crazy and dismissive and to just go back and he would call me the next day. He never called and I sent a text saying I should have communicated things (not sleeping with him, etc) and thanks for everything. He replied “it was nice while it lasted, have a nice trip”.

Then a few wks later, I sent an email just sort of explaining things, and he responded, but letting it go. I know I sound desperate and pathetic, but I really had hopes for this one. We “clicked” and I hate that a bad turn of a few events led to the demise of the relationship. He probably thinks I’m pathetic and a tease… and it’s been a few months and I’m STILL hung up and feeling badly for how stupid the whole thing was.

So my question to you is this… should I send him a final email sort of saying I wouldn’t mind giving it another shot if he doesn’t, or what? Every other guy just doesn’t measure up and I feel so horrible about the fact that I wasn’t even acting like myself… more like me reacting to his sudden coldness. But if I didn’t go back and forth like an idiot, we may still be together. I don’t know, why can’t I let this go? And should I send him an email as an “olive branch”? Not sure who’s at fault here or if a guy could just “be over” it so quickly.

Thanks for any advice!

Let him go, you had a great opening conversation but when life came together you were really just two completely different people that shared a “moment”, just as you said.

Don’t drag this out, he’s not concerned with you as much as you “want” to be in love with him.

I urge you to not continue contacting him because this will just not do any good.

If you have to work so hard to change his mind about you and how much harder would you have to work to continue a relationship?

Do you see how uneven and lop-sided the offering of mutual love will be?

Best wishes,

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