Tag Archives: date a coworker

Has She Lost Interest?

Dear Rob,
I’ve been enjoying your advice and think you have some great opinions
to offer so here goes.

A girl started a 7-week internship at my company recently and we hit it off right away. After a couple days of work together, I gave her my phone #, which she thankfully accepted. She didn’t give me hers in return claiming she doesn’t “give her number out to very many people” to which I replied with a shrug and a laugh and said “we’ll see.”

That same week, I invited her to play some tennis after work; she said yes and we ran around for an hour chasing tennis balls, having a great time, and flirting the whole time.

The next week the subject of favorite foods came up. I found out hers is Thai, as is mine, and so I asked her if she wanted to go eat some Thai food. She responded “I’m trying to save money right now,” (she is paying for college credits to work somewhere for free-I still don’t understand how they get away with that-and gearing up for a European vacation) and so of course I offered to buy. She said she didn’t want to do that because she’d feel like “she was taking advantage of me,” and so instead of pushing it I just said OK. That same night, she text messaged me (giving me her phone #) wishing me a great weekend because I was leaving for the weekend the next day, and also saying she thought we should go out for Thai after all.

We went out the next week, had an amazing dinner, found out we have the same or similar values, passions, and center, so to speak, in our lives and it was great. She made it a point, though, to tell me that “this isn’t like you taking me out, you’re not paying for me, I’m here because I want to be here.” I guess you could say she threw me a major curve ball.

Here’s where it gets interesting. The next week, she invited me to ride with her to the town her college is in. She had to go up for an evening to help plan some events for her upcoming graduation. It’s about an hour away from where we work. I have friends up there and she knew this, and so her thought was we could ride up together and while she did her school thing, I could hang out with friends and then we could ride back home together. We had a great ride up, had time for pizza in the park, and then after she was done, she came over and met some of my friends before we left. It was a good night.

The next night, we went to a football game together, got take-out, went back to my house, watched a movie, and flirted the whole time. It was a good night. Other than halfway laying on each other and that sort of thing, it never got physical. Also, the subject of our relationship never came up and I never made a point to bring it up. I thought it was becoming pretty obvious we both liked each other. And, since we work together, I’ve been hesitant to move too fast. I didn’t see her the rest of the weekend because I was at a bachelor party (no strippers or anything like that, just guns, meat, beer, and competition-that sort of bachelor party).

This last week was her 6th week and it was an awkward one. I felt like she was annoyed with me all of the sudden. Where before she would pass by and smile, it was like she was ignoring/avoiding me, going out of her way to not walk past me. We had a dinner and movie at my place scheduled for Wednesday. On the day of, she insisted on inviting another girl we work with to come over too. The girl is here from overseas and doesn’t know anyone and so I’m all about having her over, but all I got from it was “I don’t want to be alone with you.”

I asked her if we could do coffee and talk this morning (we both have the day off from our job together but she works another job in the afternoon). I figure it’s time to be completely honest with her and see where she’s at. She said she was still in bed and wasn’t up to it before work but “if you have something you want to talk about, we’ll find a time.” What should I do? Should I wait and talk after this next week, her last week at my company, is over? Why the change in attitude, especially after initiating the car trip and the dinner? Did I miss my window? I just don’t get it. Let me know what you think man, I’d appreciate your advice. Wow, this is long, sorry about that Bro.
P.S. She’s 21 and I’m 24. We both do basically the same thing.

Hi Confused,
The easy answer is that, yes, you missed your window.
She was open to your advances and you didn’t advance far enough.
From what you told me she was playing it slowly, making sure you weren’t a player and her attitude became more serious with you when she took the ride with you to her college, you both did your own things, and shared the ride home again.

After that you should have turned on the heat and gotten serious with her. Now, she may be past what she felt for you, figuring in her head that she imagined everything and you’re not that serious after all.

How to become serious after her starting to lose interest?
That’s a tough question.
The answer is harder.

In your current situation I don’t think that you want to let her get away. Make your move on her last day with your company. Invite her to dinner, make it special. You’ve both shared time together, now it’s time to share some romance.
Simply, this is the way to accomplish setting the scene:
Order a dozen roses to the restaurant where you make the reservations and call the restaurant to expect the delivery and have the flowers on the table before you are seated. She’ll see the roses and know what you’re feelings are, unmistakably.
This will be the “make or break” moment, but I’m sure you’ll pull through, no matter her response.
Best wishes,