Tag Archives: roommate

Dilemma (Need your good advice ASAP)

Hi Rob,
I need your advice about my current situation now, and I’ll be glad if you could give me your insight about my problem. I didn’t wanna ask you about this because I should figure this out on my own I know, but….I am too confused now and don’t know what to do. So please help me.

First of all, I’m a 19 year old Bi girl (nobody knows and I dont intend to come out anytime soon), and I met this girl through my workplace. She’s a 28 year old co-worker from Korea. She is on a working visa thing here in Canada. We became friends quite quickly. Later, we went on a in-town trip together and that time I noticed her physical intimacy towards me. I knew that most Asians have that kind of physical intimacy with their friends so I didn’t find it weird, just I’m not used to that (holding hands thing with a friend) so I rejected to that at first. Actually I didn’t find that suspicious or anything weird so after a while, I just let her hold my hand freely (and I mean actually holding hands, not just arm) After that first trip, we went on another trip again and we actually stayed in a hotel room for one night together. I didnt do anything or was thinking about anything more than a friend to her that time, but when we were already in bed together, just her physical intimacy got more. She was cuddled up with me while her face was very close to my face that I could actually feel and hear her breathing. The next morning I asked her about that and she told me that it was just a habit and so I asked her if she ever did it to someone else or to her room-mate, and she said sometimes (But I knew not really). Actually that time, i already found it suspicious. Her physical intimacy with me is just too much but everytime I asked her about it, she always just say its normal for her and nothing weird. I didnt reject her physical intimacy with me because I actually liked that and I knew she liked that physical intimacy with me as well. But anyways, I wasn’t sure about her orientation.

Time goes by, we became closer and closer, and our physical intimacy developed very quickly and much more. Our relationship was like of a couple, we see each other EVERYDAY, from morning 9-10am till 3am, and then we fight everyday about something small or childish. Just the problem I have was she has a long time boyfriend for about 7 years in Korea…

To make my story a bit shorter… finally, while we were on the bed together after hanging out one night, we became very intimate that finally she ended up kissing me. Things were very fast and led to a more serious and stronger intimacy quickly. Actually, first her plan was to just work here until her work permit Visa expires then she will go back to Korea, but then when we were just “friends” I asked her to stay longer and so she finally made up her mind that she wanna stay here and would get a permanent residency here in Canada. So after many thinking and options, the best way she could find to quickly immigrate here was to go to Quebec and study French (cuz its easier to get residency in Quebec, just you have to pass French) So as our time together is running out, I decided to live with her for the remaining time she had here. We already had fights and discussions about her boyfriend thing and our relationship, but she didn’t clarify to me what exactly our relationship was. I KNEW exactly that we have no future together and that she can’t and would not break up with her long time boyfriend (after all, he is very useful to her and she is very used to him) I knew that. But…. I was wishing I would be more important to her. I was just hoping and praying I could change that. I asked her back then when we were just friends if she ever thought about her boyfriend if she immigrates here and she said to me that he doesnt have any influence on her decision AT ALL. That she doesnt mind him at all. So that time, I thought he’s not that important to her and she doesnt really love him. Isn’t that right?

Anyways, I know she cares about me (even though I don’t wanna think or believe that nowadays) and she likes me too, and as I said, we talked about many things and told me couple of times that if I want to end whatever relationship we have then I could. Before we moved together, we had an argument about the whole boyfriend thing and she told me its better if we don’t move together. And I knew she was right BUT…just I want her, so I did.

Just…. I want her. I already knew what I was getting into, just I thought I could make myself more important to her that she would choose me over her normal life/boyfriend. I wanna keep her no matter what, but I don’t know how now. I want to keep her and I could keep whatever kind of relationship we have now, but… it’s hurting me too much and I can’t take the fact that I’m just….a…..sideline(?) affair(?)… and that I can never have her just to myself and call her solely mine. I deserve better than this kind of relationship but just…I don’t know what love is, just… I want to be with her and next to her as much as possible. I wish we could go back as just being friends, but I can not. I want to keep her and whatever relationship we have now……..but……….I don’t know…………………………… I want to keep her no matter what and I would do anything to make it happen but I don’t know…….

Help me Rob. Could you tell me what you think and what I should do? Help me ASAP 🙁 THANK YOU SO MUCH! Would be looking forward to your reply soon.

Hi Girl in a Dilemma
While I can understand and also feel sad for the loss of relationship you now feel I must also say that you became too dependent on your “girlfriend” and now have your feelings crushed by her and her seemingly callous actions towards you.

She has chosen a life different than yours and the people that we want to share our lives with we must be sure to not try to possess them.

You are hurt because you know, deep down, she does not share with you the things you feel.

She is not yours to keep and really never was. You might be able to remain friends with her, but I don’t think that is what she wants. Her life is different from yours.

You need to stretch your wings and find love from someone that will treat you special, not as a thing to do for a little while.
Good luck,