The Selfish Husband
But I can't live like this. I have only told you the tip of the iceberg...

Hi Rob,
I have a question. I am a married woman… married for 3.5 years, and my husband and I are like no other married couple. We have sex about once every 2 months. (and I am the type that LOVES sex.. lots of sex lots of ways).

My husband is more conservative. I feel that sex is a huge part of a marriage, or any real relationship for that matter. We have talked about our lack of intimacy and we make lots of promises that are not met, (both of us, not just him). I lack daily compassion, apparently. He wants me to hug on him and be excited to see him everyday and give him lots of kisses, (he doesn’t do this stuff very often, mind you.
But he wants me to. To be honest, I HATE the way he kisses. Mouth WAY to far open.. open so far it blocks my nostrils. He also breathes through his mouth while doing this. What type of person would want to kiss someone like that. My problem is, we are married.

I do not desire a divorce. We have 2 kids, 2 cars and a new beautiful home and it would be a huge hassle I think to divorce. But I can’t live like this. I have only told you the tip of the iceberg…

My question is, how do you deal with something like this? And how do you tell a sensitive man that feels that he is a good kisser, that he is a bad kisser? A horrible kisser! Help please!!

Hi Chris,
It’s a fact that marriage does not mean you have great communication. You are not instantly the ‘best lover’ simply because you’re married.

You need to be open, communicate, show affection and be reasonable about the demands that you place on each other.

You cannot ask without giving and this is applicable in marriage, the bedroom, in all facets of our daily lives. There is no room for selfishness.

Since you have attempted to open these lines of communication by talking about what you feel are shortcomings on your husband’s part and you realize where your own shortcomings are, I’d suggest looking to get some tips on opening communication through other ways.

Get some “love cards” that are notes you can leave each other every day or two.
Get some adult games that allow you to be instructed on what to do in the bedroom.

And, most of all, be honest with your husband. If you don’t like his kisses, teach him how you want to be kissed. If he’s so self-conscious about being told what to do, sexually, you’re in for a long haul and counseling should be started ASAP. If he won’t go, you need to start alone. But I hope that he’s willing to learn, for your sake and his.

Guys that want to make their partners happy are willing to learn what it takes. Guys that are selfish aren’t willing to accept that they don’t pleasure their women and they should be left alone. Cut off from sex until they can accept that what they do isn’t what you want, sexually.

Showing affection on a daily basis should not be a hardship. A hug, an “I love you”, a special treat purchased for your partner when you go shopping… all of these are small tokens of affection that go a long way in keeping love alive.
Best wishes,