Where is this relationship going?

Hi Rob,
I came across your website and I thought it wouldn’t be a terrible idea to email you to ask for relationship type advice.

I met a guy about 5 or so years ago. When we met — it was an instant atttraction—we both knew it. We discovered we had several commonalities— different ethnicities, common interests. We spent a fare amount of time talking and getting to know each other. We exchanged contact information and said we’d keep in touch. The last day of the week away at the same place, before we all left, we kissed…

We kept in though mostly through email throughout college, until this guy finally got a cell phone. Emails were always great and was always good to hear from him. Two years after we met… he called me to say he was going to be in the area and that he would love to come for a visit. Fully knowing what to except, we hung out over the weekend and slept together. I had a great time with or without the extra perks of the weekend.

After that weekend, we went back to our normal lives, we talked on the phone every so often, email and instant messaging.

We eventually became Facebook friends, if that means anything or not. Due to crazy schedule— me being and school and this guy working a good bit, we didn’t hang out again until the beginning of the year when he came to visit me—a 4 1/2 hour drive for a long weekend. We had a great time catching up, talking, watching movies, going out to dinner and again sleeping together.

We continued to stay in touch after that weekend… texting, touching base over the phone sometimes and Facebook.

The following year he came to visit again, and flew from his hometown to visit for the weekend. We had another great weekend of catching up, chilling, hanging out and some fun.

Since then, we still connect via phone and all the other social networks. He’ll text me a “Happy Birthday” on my birthday and I do the same on his b-day.

I feel that we connect on different levels with or without the extra perks.

I just want to know where this is going if anywhere and if I should keep this going.
Let me know your thoughts.

Much Appreciated,
Unsure of what to do

Hi Unsure,I think that if it was to go somewhere you wouldn’t have to ask me.

So it’s time to ask him. Straight out, on the phone “Is this going somewhere?”

You know what my answer is, what’s his?

Best wishes,

3 thoughts on “Where is this relationship going?

  1. HI Rob,
    this is a long story for me to explain i’ve been tlaking to a friend of my brother’s for going on 4 months now ,he is in prison with my brother , it’s a long story but basics he was in a bad marriage and did some bad things and went to jail and he want’s to turn his life around, him and i both have been through bad marriage’s of being cheated on lied to and hurt, i got divorced in june of this year and he is going through the process, the thing is he filed the divorce papers after we started talking ,he says he want’s a good woman in his life who dosn’t drink or do drugs who won’t cheat on him or anything,well he says that right now he wants to be friends and spend time with one another but he keeps making comments about us being together when he gets home about us raising his kids together the thing is i stopped getting letters for 3 weeks then i got one here and there i keep asking him to call and he only calls when my brother tells him to he has told me he dosnt wanna run the phone bill up,he has told me he thought we wanted to talk to my brother instead of him, but the last time we did tlak on the phone he didn’t want to get off and he said he was gonna call the next day he kept asking me are you sure it’s ok i kept telling him yes i’m sure but he didn’t call but he also told me in the phone conversation he wanted me to start talking to his daughter and hanging out with her and that when he gets out i’m gonna meet his kids and get to know them, from tlaking to him i really think he has trust issues and doubts and idk how to let him know that im not gonna hurt him,i have trust issues myself and doubts and i overreact to things i really don’t want to ruin things because i have liked this guy a really long time and he is very respectful,sweet,considerate,and honest to me.. i just don’t know if i’m having doubts because i’m afraid of being hurt again and i also don’t know how to talk to him and let him know that i understand his doubts and trust issues but without assuming he has them because everytime he does open up to me he acts as if i don’t want to hear what he has to say like he is unsure..idk if i should just be a friend and not mention a relationship and see where things go or if i should try to get him to open up about his daoubts and try to reasure him things are ok.. please tell me what to do…..

  2. I should also mention that he said he has told his daughter about me, and he seem’s to be closer to his daughter then anyone in his family,
    he says she is his baby girl,his sweet heart and so on he is always tlaking about her i think she is the most important person in his life and i should mention that he was worried about her recently because she was going through a depression stage and tried to hurt herself, and that could be why he got distanr which he did write and tell me that and tell me he was sorry thats why i think i’m just over reacting because i’m afraid of getting hurt again

  3. Hi Jujstme,

    I think that this is moving way too fast.
    He’s still in prison and you’re alreday getting into the divorce battle and who will have custody of his kids?

    Hold all horses!

    Maybe go slow, start dating and watch him as he tries to turn his life around.
    He has a big plate of obligations and it sounds like he’s already trying to offload them onto you.

    You will be hurt again unless you wait.
    I suggest a six month dating period, before you even meet his kids, to give this relationship a chance.
    Do not move in with him!
    Do not take the role of step-mother and parent with his kids yet.
    Life is fleeting and I feel you’re being pressured and smothered.

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